sheze

#fnaf

☆Rabbit☆

literally most of the women I worked with who had been there for decades told me they’d only ever gotten raises when the minimum wage was raised so like I don’t wanna hear that it doesnt affect anything

I like this format of critiquing your own videos but in an extremely neutral way, finding good and bad and what was your own poor choice and what was just unlucky
Good job, ICERRR !

This is me this is me every night good lord good lord please sleep it will not help save yourself

YouTube video by Tyler, The Creator HEAVEN TO ME

Absolutely feeling like this today
youtu.be/wm_hfvgakcM

No i think thats the doom patrol one

It is 1 pen tall

The monster

Maybe the words I need are just support
Maybe I just need friends telling me nice things
I sounds egotistical but truly I've only had this happen relatively recently
Maybe I'll be fine.

I know these ideas are wrong. I know I'm in the wrong.
I found out as much when I asked the ultimate wordteller, my psychologist.
Even so, I can't change how I think on instinct. I'm fundamentally dumb.

I don't know what these words are. I probably already found what would help me. I fear I just have an obsession with easy solutions.

If the law, the state, the real world, were to label me the right word, if I was explainable, if I was autistic, was neurodivergent, was mentally ill, was transgender, was asexual, if I was any word that has any meaning, perhaps I would heal.
I would just need a pill, no? It would all take one day.

If I found the right words to speak, if I found the right words to describe my inability to live, if I could shout it at every living person, perhaps I would heal.
I would ask everyone in the world and someone has to know a solution, right?

If I found the right words to hear, if I found somebody who could speak them to me properly, perhaps I would heal.
I would know right from wrong because someone else told me, not myself.

I notice I'm obsessed with the idea that if I find the right words, I will heal. In many ways.

Please do not reply to this thread at all.
I wish to be percieved but am scared shitless of being reacted to. I wish I was transparent. I'm glad to make myself seen but cannot survive being with others yet.
Do not react. Read, have your thoughts, but go on.
Today I will be alive in these words.

Is this normal? Is it normal to think this much? To not understand?
Am I normal? Can I live like a normal person? Can I be happy?
Can I be loved? Can I be loved for real? Can the real me be loved?
Can I be? Can I just be? Can there be silence?

If any of you are lying lease tell me, I dont want you to suffer as much as I am. If you want to stop talking with me please tell me because Ive wanted to stop talking completely for years

I'm not sure
I'm certain I've been loved but I don't know what was loved, what could have been loved
I nod along as someone ever makes a list of what they like of me but in truth I don't get it
Is the world that bad that I become pleasant by comparison?
Are they lying? Are they just lying?

Do I have anything?

I could die one day and most people wouldn't be able to describe me truthfully
I fancy myself an artist but it is much more for my friends than myself

I fear it's an inevitable loop at this point.
I want to be honest, I promise
But I genuinely have no spine at all, nothing to be proud of or nothing to work towards

It's become really hard to try being more honest, sometimes my friends call me out on my bullshit (rightfully) and I'm not sure anymore how much I'm acting in a way that looks honest and how much I'm being true

It's easier to say this to anyone in public than any specific person I know because inevitably it'll become a question of "am i talking about you?" and that isnt helpful at all

It sounds kind of like pretentious generic venting but it does quite bother me
I cannot help stopping things just because others arent receptive
It's not like I want them to always be interested in my stuff, i'm in the wrong

I don't know if i'll ever stop pretending things
I keep thinking i'm out but i notice i'm just mimicking others around me
I do way too many things just to be like the ones around me
Even when they're good things, i think i kind of melt away
I don't know how much of me i am

somehow this doodle i did at like 2am popped off on the other site

Like if the movie was just this guy finding out hes an xmen it would be ok boring idk but THE FUCKING BULLYING PLOT IS SO ASS