That’s not what I’m suggesting. It’s quite an unusual request 😊

Dresses? In drawers?

That’s my only issue with any of this.

Maybe she fancies you. I wouldn’t ask a bloke to watch my tits if I didn’t fancy him.

I wouldn’t call it genius to build soulless towns around shopping centres.

Yeah, it goes away.

Ooh, no. I love my electric blanket and stay in bed/get back into bed as much as possible over the winter. Not to sleep but just to be cosy.

I’d love to be able to pay someone to do all the boring shit that wastes my limited time alive.

How old was the person who said that? The chances are they think 38 is fucking ancient!

That’s not true. One of my friends came to a demo I’d organised during her lunch break and wore her lanyard until it was almost time for her to return to the office. She was genuinely horrified and could have been fired, apparently.

Good.

I live in Scotland. In warmer months, regular butter is fine, not kept in the fridge. In the winter, this won’t work! Yes, some of us do need a product that will spread regardless of warmth.

I sometimes wonder how the hell I’m still alive.

Now I’ve read this story, I expect to live far longer. So, thanks, E. Coli, for your fess.

I had explain to my youngest child (who was 14 at the time) what a conker was and how the game works. He didn’t believe me! I found that shocking.

I am mightily more shocked that any child’s parent doesn’t know what a conker is!

What have we lost and how the hell am I this old already??

Emma Peel is also the same person as Katie Price. I mean, it’s an easy mistake.

I need my arms to prop myself up because my knockers aren’t detachable.

Oh, for a life in which non-detachable arms were the problem!

I only get one from some local church. I have no interest in Christianity and don’t even know whereabouts that particular church is.

Maybe it’s the cat’s least favourite flavour in a multipack?

All we can do is boycott any such programme.

*Marked safe from being Marie Antoinette*

What about stop motion animation? I’m training with Aardman and it’s far from “easy”! The animators at Aardman are superhuman.

You don’t lose access to your kids because you had an affair. Either the fess is made up or elaborated, or else the dad was an unfit parent.

By getting pregnant?

“Abolish Tuesdays”.

Were you a child in or around the 1970s?

You can cut an orange into halves or quarters, squeeze the juice into your mouth, and then easily remove the flesh from the peel and pith.

It needn’t be difficult.

It’s pretty much decriminalised now, so coppers don’t even get to smoke what they’ve confiscated anymore.

Sure. Veggies are known for our stew habits!

You’ve wasted seven years of your life, yet somehow think you’ve won something?

It might be funny to you. Personally, I can’t even be bothered to look up which fiction you refer to.

Surely increased rail traffic to Crewe can’t be a good idea?

Indeed. I’m not sure I could isolate a “worst part of jazz”. It’s chaos! A synaptic nightmare.

So am I. What’s the deal?