sàmüél

I cracked my back while doing my core workout this morning and that was honestly the most satisfying feeling from the workout.

UK politics is Zia Yusuf getting anxious about Gen Z following Big John and not Tom Skinner. So much so that he puts out a statement about it trying to claim ‘bosh’ for the far right. Big John is like “nah man, I review Chinese takeaways and go to students nights. You guys are nuts though.”

The perfect combo would be:
• the life experience I have now,
• the income I have now,
• the stamina I had at 24, and
• the free time I had at uni.

I will never find this combo unless I set up a trust fund and study a masters as a mature student. And somehow reverse aging.

I know it’s Diwali and I respect that. Unfortunately, my bosses still want me to be at work at 08:30am.

Can the people setting off fireworks in Canning Town please stop? It is half past midnight on a school night!

It’s 19:50 on the Jubilee Line’s eastbound platform at Westminster and I just had a man with headphones on walk past singing Part of Me by Katy Perry.

How was everyone else’s commute?

That’s 102 seconds of my life I will never get back. I feel as good as those people in the ground where he is speaking.

Last week I was really busy and had to plan and prioritise to get things done. This week, I have fuck all to do.

Perfect set of traitors #celebritytraitors

It’s cold. I’ll probably go for a swim later

I’m already bored

Tomorrow I’m working from home, I have zero meetings and a light work day. 🙌

My colleagues have no idea that I am listening to Your Love is My Drug by Kesha in the office and I love this

My friends: “you become really right wing when you’re drunk”

Me: “that’s nonsense”

Also me *after some number of drinks*: “we should introduce a visa scheme for gays coming to London and reject the problematic ones”

I’m not saying I have the Sunday Scaries after a week away but I am strongly considering fucking off and going on more holidays.

What in the North Korea is this propaganda?

This works

Is ChatGPT a page?

Just received feedback on an essay that I should have provided page numbers for quotation references *checks references* FOR WEB PAGES?!

I have just met the gay’s version of the Wealdstone Raider in a pub in Greenwich

Like, you could actually just starve these cunts of oxygen by just unfollowing them

You see fashion stylist, I see attention-seeking t***

I’m watching the Titan submarine/OceanGate documentary on Netflix and all I have been doing is looking up Titan memes

Imagine if Star Wars Episode I was set in the Trump era. The intro text would just be “Supreme Chancellor Trump has put tariffs on Naboo, Tattoine, Alderan and Hoth. He has put tariffs on everyone and no one has a fucking clue what to do.”

I dunno who I find better on the maths memes chats? The neurospicy people who provide great numerical analysis to memes or the sarcastic people who deliberately give the wrong answer just to wind them up.

Things I didn’t expect to see today was Dominic Cummings supporting Tom Skinner from the Apprentice becoming Mayor of London

I dunno why I bother styling my hair because the wind tunnel on my way to the tube has different ideas

I was today years old when I learnt that the croissant is actually Austrian…

Austria should take the crown 🇦🇹 #eurovision2025