Andrew Amster

My favorite creation myth is one where existence begins with thought or dream of a divine being. Something existed. Something pondered and in that pondering something else appeared. It doesn't matter if it was well-intentioned or intentional at all. It happened like a unchecked burp.

#vss365 - MYTH

sweet-ass polemic
lays waste to winter's approach
three geese flying north

#haiku

But the NFL doesn't want you to see it.

Recording the number of times our eyes met during the day became a bedtime ritual. If the number held steady, then I still hadn't fucked things up. I didn't measure progress. I didn't contemplate even saying hello. This coward's limbo lasted most of spring semester.

#vss365 - MEASURE

first snowflake falling
my scowl burns it from the sky
then thousands follow

#haiku

This really translates to, "Thoughts and prayers to all of you until November, 2026." The December vote is... what? Getting the GOP to reveal themselves as "big meanies." WE KNOW THAT ALREADY!

"It's hard to take your literature review section seriously when the first four out of five references were completely fabricated by a large-language model with the common sense of a three-speed kitchen blender. Lie down. I'm going to ask ChatGPT how to remove your spleen."

#vss365 - LITERATURE

playing through its pain
last leaf falls unenlightened
spring's promise broken

#haiku

"Guarantees a vote." That and a dime won't buy you ten pennies. Surrender monkey.

Dems backed Trump into a corner where he’s advocating for starving Americans and hemorrhaging support. If they vote to let him off the hook in exchange for nothing it’s a cataclysmic failure. I know people are in pain but insulating Republicans from political consequences is not the answer.

FFS, Senate Democrats. Don't cave now! You are in a strong position. Only an idiot surrenders when they're winning. @democrats.senate.gov @schumer.senate.gov

HE COULD VIBE CODE! I mean, he has such a good vibe. 😐

The email from Community Standards was formal and vaguely threatening: "We ask that you refrain from language outside of the norm" and "We find that users who write about these topics tend to vanish from both this platform and their homes." Maybe not so vague.

#vss365 - LANGUAGE

My best friend's family used to get the giant cans of potato chips (delivered?). I thought it was peak civilization.

Conundrum: How does a narcissist ban photographers?

"Reading their old correspondence was more surprising than he had expected. It didn't take him more than five or six letters to realize just how much he had rewritten their history over the years. He'd made the mistake of thinking of that time as idyllic. It was anything but."

#vss365 - HISTORY

pass the hard cider
laughing at the Beaver Moon
in blanket huddled

#haiku

Looks like maybe half a step.

glowering gray sky
starling-speckled abandon
cold front approaching

#haiku

Wow. That makes it look like the Oval is where you stop by to book the Epstein Ballroom for your wedding receptions or bar/bat mitzvahs.

Does Grampa not know how bad this looks for him?

There were holes in Seth's education.
Happily, Pia fell into one.

#vss365 - EDUCATION

see my neighbor scowl
a single leaf dared to fall
his blower returns

#haiku

if there was a rich person with the will, you could build the most incredible news organization that has ever existed just from the wreckage of this year alone.

AND Geoffrey Holder.
AND a catchy theme.

Even the most domestic cat still dreams of his days as a tiger. In truth, he never was a tiger. That was another time, another age, another creature entirely, passing his hunger on to a species that didn't even exist. This cat has evolution's attitude, but not its teeth.

#vss365 - DOMESTIC

leaf blowers' refrain
cacophany of low hums
birds in sad retreat

#haiku

We've got you 👍

it's time for journos to start asking Johnson meta questions

"Speaker, on 5 occasions last week you said 'I haven't seen it' when asked about news events w/big implications for public policy. Do you ever read the news, and do you agree it's problematic for the Speaker to be so woefully uninformed?"

"It's none of my business, but..."
"That's a big but."
"Your mom."

#vss365 - BUSINESS