Biz Markie Post

The Kidz Bop version of a Guns N' Roses classic.

When you haven’t had a lot of beers, but are adamant that this is the best one ever.

You're welcome.

This concludes my TED Talk for the day.

This will most likely have them taken aback, and they'll ask you to repeat yourself.

Once again, in a clear and concise way, repeat, "I'm 'Premature Ejaculation.'"

They will probably (and ideally) still be confused.

That's when you explain to them, "I just came in my pants."

Mix and mingle as normal, but eventually, if it is a costume party where most people are dressed-up, you'll inevitably be approached and questioned.

When asked who you are, or what you're supposed to be, tell them, "I'm 'Premature Ejaculation.'"

As Halloween approaches, some of you may be looking for costume ideas.

As such, please accept this humble, budget-friendly option.

When you attend a party, go shirtless, and ideally not have anything adorn your feet.

My calendar from yesterday.

Ryan Walters resigning as the Oklahoma Superintendent probably already elevated the state to 49th in Education, at the least.

Did I end up wasting a guess on my fifth attempt? Yes.

Was it worth it? Also, yes.

“I am made of paper, yet I am reading paper.

Is this flesh that I hold in my hands, or is my entire world a lie?

In what hellish landscape do we live?

And yet, she beckons me. Am I finally to accept my fate? Do I succumb to the cruel joke that is this world?

Sincerely,

It’s-a me, Mario”

Found a deleted storyboard panel from James Gunn’s “Superman!”

Them: “Matt, why do you enjoy trademarks so much?”

Me:

*This was actually filed by a former coworker of mine.

Most people send their friends a simple “Happy birthday!” text to their friends every year.

I am not most people.

Don’t forget to RSVP for my 4th of July BBQ!

Every month, the firm sends out an internal reminder to attorneys to remind them of lien deadlines.

My reply to this month's reminder, reworking the email to incorporate the chorus to Dolly Parton's "Jolene" fell upon deaf ears.

Sometimes, I fear my genius is wasted...

Model wife killed, castrated, cooked and then ate her husband The California cannibalized her allegedly abusive husband who married her after just three days despite being 33 years her senior. The woman proceeded to cook and eat parts of his body after she beat ...

She’s not quite the “model wife” if she killed, castrated, cooked, and ate him.

June Cleaver would be aghast.

www.themirror.com/news/us-news...

I, for one, am appalled (APPALLED!!!) that Green Day changed the lyrics of their song "American Idiot" - a song released in the relatively quiet and turmoil-free time of September 2004 - to make it something political.