probably dousing myself in one of the tom ford cherries

if you ever lose me in an airport I promise you can find me at the duty free store spritzing all the perfumes

retiring from the army to open a speciality bra shop called the Busty Jew. our clientele? well,

Oh youre jacking off to the sabrina carpenter sexy dog pic? Boring. Ill instead be jacking off to the album covers of Schubert , and Strauss

the junkyard is is the pile of stuff I have in my house that I have no other place for. also called “Pistachio’s house” because he loves being in there

Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind but it’s nutmeg coming out of the junkyard to see if I have treats

you cant read auras stupid ass . you can barely read English

giving myself a gold star for this

the bvlgari Allegra bottle are so gorg I wanna buy one just to put on my vanity

I am this close to paying for someone to fly out here and stay in my house for a bit so I don’t have to be this cripplingly lonely lmao

sometimes when I get bummed out that I still can’t really let the cats I remind myself that there was a time when I thought pistachio would NEVER come out from under the bed, and now he intentionally comes around to look at me and what I’m doing

@taniachakraborty.com my uneducated ass seeing the flag in your profile name and wondering when you became Irish

just drove past a woman with a butt so nice I briefly understood a straight man’s motive to cat call

mama cat keeping wandering into my room to drink water and then walks away to the living room to yowl, this happens like twice an hour, bitch shut the FUCK up no one in this house is getting laid

what is this!!

me: “nutmeg is trans”
Kylie: “she’s what?”
me: “nutmeg is transgender!”
Kylie, a confused ally: “oh…..they……are??”

feral babies running around making the weirdest goddamn noises

her mom told me that Rosie tried to touch my face when I was sleeping

she’s two years old and her name is Rosie

asleep on a couch at an airport USO and woke up because someone very gently touched my arm. pulled my hat off and a four year old was standing over me. okay.

“my fault” is taking me out

That’s pistachio! He’s a coward ☺️

I can’t wait to get back home and see my feral babies again. kissu

Last time it was the fall guy, this time I watched edge of tomorrow (fun!!) and rewatched the devil wears Prada. Next time? we will what united airlines has to offer

walking onto an international flight like which Emily blunt film will I watch this time

never really understood gamboling about until I experienced nutmeg and pistachio running in and out of room during their nocturnal playtimes

vibrating at a frequency only dogs can sense because I’m so excited to finally attend a friend wedding