rapiereve

クリスマスの絵

six months have passed from last message here hehe
I am still alive but I don't encourage myself in this

When I write something in English it looks like awkward and clumsy.
I have had a lot English classes but still... I felt only inconvenience of using non native language
may be I am a little bit stupid or something

btw, I still live in Russia (immigration in plans, but for now I am here) and today is the day when antiLGBT law began to come into force
I am afraid but not that much
I can have problems because of this law, but it is expected
may be I got tired of being afraid and accepted all our bullshit

It's big shame but I write todo list for every new year
And my maximum of completed tasks is 30%
My life is a mess and I am okay with that!

Psych is so complicated 🤔 Especially my psych is real complicated for me... Still have borderline disorder and OCD. Still mentally unhealthy.

My psychotherapist said that I am angry because of russian law against of LGBT people... But I don't feel it yet.
I just don't want to live and want to set on the fire all these officials who did this law. It doesn't feel like anger, but like coldness inside my mind? in soul??

ahaha I hope! But what if we will have the bottom of bottoms 🤔... Is it possible or not...

Today I quit my job
And I'm not happy but exhausted

groundbreaking: working at a place you don't like anymore and doing job that is too damn repetitive sucks

...please stay tuned lol

I did stomach biopsy and now I feel sad and ill (? don't know why but all procedure was really unpleasant)
Clearly I have problems with my liver, thanks to antidepressants 😋 and several problems with stomach and guts, thanks for my eating habits 😋 😋

a lot of pat-pat to you 🤗

thanks! Today I don't have fever which is nice 😋

yes, your phrase perfectly explain what I feel! any self expression for me is much more easier in English and has real difficulties in Russian 🤪 may be I should try to remember Tatar language hehe for new experience

I like complaining here, it looks like I train my language skill and I don't fell myself awful
but when I write something like this in Russian, it looks like I am 5 years old girl and I don't how live my life and it's embarrassing

difference between languages, heh
or mentality

I got sick after I ate pasta 🥲
my life is sad and my stomach hates me a lot
(btw I am better now but still cannot eat anything)

after session with a psychologist I look like jelly
very sad jelly
but good news is this session only once a month
bad news is this session only once a month
🥲