C.Weltschmerz, Esq.

*Between bouts of being waterboarded*

Schumer: (Gasp) How is this bringing down the price of beef (glurgle glurgle)

Does Stephen Miller call it terrorism when Starbucks messes up his order too?

It’s essential that you find common ground with Trump supporters. For instance, you know that you have many flaws, and they believe you are less than human. Work with that.

—Ezra Klein, tomorrow in the New York Times

Crash #oilpainting #art

Everyone makes this mistake, they think it was the hair. Wrong. It's the cheese. You control white people with cheese.

Article I, Section 9, Clause 7:

No Money shall be drawn from the Treasury, but in Consequence of Appropriations made by Law; and a regular Statement and Account of the Receipts and Expenditures of all public Money shall be published from time to time.

Except for when our Very Special Boy wants it.

Emergency World Naked Bike Ride planned in Portland, with blurred photi of naked bicyclists.

Portland enacts emergency powers of nudity to check federal overreach.

We are thrilled to announce that our NEW Large Language Model will be released on 11.18.25.

at least i've never made the mistake of bringing an Ezra Klein to a Ta-Nehisi Coates fight

Message to my haters.

they’re bringing back the swimsuit portion of basic training

"some legal experts have called it a crime to summarily execute civilians" says today's New York Times, continuing their long tradition of whitewashing fascism

Absolute all-timer sentence in today's @nytimes.com

Screenshot of The Princess Bride’s Inigo Montoya with text that says “Hello. My name is Pete Davidson. You killed my father. Prepare to laugh”

Meanwhile at the Riyadh comedy festival

every single person claiming to yearn for this would kill themselves if they were subjected to the tyranny of the 56k modem for one hour

The famous unicycling Darth Vader on a bridge in Portland. He is playing flaming bagpipes.

War ravaged Portland

Our current government in a nutshell.

Team Europe trolling Trump after winning The Ryder Cup 🤣💀

if you listen closely you can hear the eyes Roll deeply to the back of my head... that is... if you can hear it over the roar of Republican laughter.

Picture of small notebook the cover of which says “Things the Supreme Court has done to piss me off.”

Got this journal as a birthday present from one of my best friends.

What can I say? He gets me.

Sauron's threat to deploy Uruk-hai in Minas Tirith is unlawful.

Here’s a thought.

Focus on protecting the hearth fires of the men of Gondor.

- Denethor, son of Ecthelion, Ruling Steward

Zuckerberg in a black suit and a wig that's a thick, black bob

zuckerberg trying for John Wick this Halloween but ending up more ghislaine maxwell

While records reportedly show Elon Musk was scheduled to visit Epstein's island, maybe he was just trying to see his dad

What a weird-ass Rapture. Only the Constitution disappeared.

“A bad escalator and a bad teleprompter” — Trump implies UN tried to sabotage First Lady, while he saved millions.

pausing while scrawling my core animating motivation on a single bullet to consider the phrasing that will most effectively rally my ideological enemies

Derek Zoolander: "Mer-man!"

you know how you solve the problem of trans and autistic children? you love them, and you listen to them, you raise them with the support of a community that supports about their well-being. you work to build a world that accomodates their needs. you give a shit.

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

Do any of the professors or journalists or teachers also get their jobs back or nah