Jess the Mess

Random sarcastic brainfart:

"Yeah, we should all trust men, cuz, like, they all have Ph&D's right?"

Is it okay to cry cuz everyone keeps calling me "he" ?

wow. i stumbled on this by accident, loved it. ...went to website... checked all that out... and... wow. im 39 and i just found a "favorite modern-era painter"... jeezus. im simultaneously elated and disappointed in myself. lol. i love it all, tho. every series. 🔥. you're awesome.

"We need to protect the victims!"

"Okay, we'll redact everything about the victims. There. Done."

"Ok, but uh... the victims weren't the powerful dudes, guy."

"Well, they're the _real_ victims if you think about it..."

☠️🔥🔥🙏🔥🔥☠️

I always name at least one of them Tobias when I see them.

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says ‘a lot’ of six-figure jobs in plumbing and construction are about to be unlocked because someone needs to build all these new AI centers The AI boom is threatening white-collar entry jobs—but it’s creating a booming six-figure opportunity for electricians, plumbers, and construction workers.

finance.yahoo.com/news/nvidia-...

The vibe I get from this is: "Come, be the slaves that build the pyramids for your new Gods! Destroy yourselves for _our_ continued wealth and prosperity!"

Season 2 of Fionna and Cake

... I identify so much with this it hurts.

Save me, please.

If Bubba got impeached because of getting a BJ, it would be reality-destroying-ly funny if Trump gets impeached for giving one to Bubba.

And, I mean, it's like, well, I guess what everyone was saying about "The Clintons bringing chaos to DC" would technically be true.

Jus' sayin'

Just curious, but is it possible to have a class action lawsuit against the president?

...an apple a day keeps the vet getting paid?

Like, saying "There's no dinner for me tonight" isn't pessimism when it's just a flat statement. >.<

Optimism is having a good family, and thinking dinner when you get home will be delicious.

Pessimism is having that same family, and assuming there won't be any food.

Pragmatism is knowing there won't be any food when you get home because you live alone and can't afford groceries anymore.

:/

courtesy of youtube closed captioning, i now want the internet slang for assassinated to be "Ass Sassed"

"¡Viva la Revolución!" her uterus screamed,
just before it hit the button.

There are few things in life as funny to me as the sweaty try-hard in a game, for some reason expecting random public pick-up groups to be like some fine tuned video game SEAL Team Six. And then throwing a fit.

Like, if you're as good as you think you are, you _really_ should know better.

Aviators?

One of the more unique things about being a certain kind of intersex is that sometimes people aren't sure if you're a gay woman or a gay man, but in general, they're pretty sure you're gay.

i dont know why, but this speaks to me on a deep level. i love it.

Might as well just shout in the void: I'm having a really hard time today and having really negative feelings, and I don't have anyone I can talk to because there's such a taboo on talking about anything serious. ...I'm probably not going to make it through today, and I don't want to.

Well, my federal documents are about to get... interesting.

YOU CAN DO IIITTT!!!!

One day, I hope to be attractive enough, that when I'm like "I'm friggin hideous" somebody else would be like "Nah, come on, you're beautiful."

Goddamnit, I hate holiday pictures.

East Coast: "Everybody takes 2 days to call you back."

West Coast: "What is this 'calling back' you speak of?"

It'll be great if in a couple days we hear the monopoly money is actually just, like, canadian.

Trump is essentially turning DC into a golf course with country club, as an investment property.

Looking for Moots, pt 2: The Moat

🦑Fiercely queer
💀Talks a lot
👻Talks too much
👹Never shuts up
🦎Feels kinship with mojave yucca
💩Had a lot of bad shit happen
👂Always willing to listen
🧟‍♀️Doesn't like being a hypocrite
🤷‍♀️Rarely knows what to say
🤦Likes back rubs?
☕Coffee snob
🍽️Weird flavors

Guess I'll make a couple of those Looking for Mutuals! things.

🏳️‍🌈 Never sure of anything
🏴‍☠️ Pretty sure of nothing
🦖 Cooking and food science
🦾 C# and Java
🧁 Used to call Android 'Cupcake'
🦄 Writing adult novels now
🐾 Lived a lot of places in the US
🕳️ Permanently Broke
🔥 Fantasy and Anime
🐈 Cats

Okay, I guess I'm here now.