adjala (-20/70lbs)

today i’m feeling

- weak
- tired
- super hungry
- stomach pains
- stomach rumbling
- dizziness

sooooo it’s working

my bf said he’d lose weight WITH me as long as i did it healthily and i want to shake him bc his weight is perfectly healthy he’s perfect in every way. and he may make me eat in front of him. so i’ll have to also have to make up for those cals via restriction.

fuck i forgot i had chai as well. idk how many cals but i should’ve definitely passed on that. i think ill do daily food intake posts to feel that shame when i do fuck up

problem is my bf is catching on bc i told him i was trying to lose weight and he knows my problems w eating disorders soooo fuck

today’s roster in terms of food:

- no breakfast
- no lunch
- monster energy zero sugar
- water
- pasta for dinner

and hopefully i can exercise and burn more than 500 cals to make up for dinner. i’m trying to get as close to zero as i can

yesterday i had a glass of milk for breakfast, coke zero for lunch, a 800 cal dinner and exercised and burned 500 cal. however i also had popcorn and drank so… fuck, essentially. fuck fuck fuck

it did not. i am jsut a fat fuck by nature

i still have said boyfriend. he is my everything. but i gained all my weight back. i’m at work and almost ordered lunch like usual but stopped myself. coke zero it is 👍

back to planning how to 0FF m¥self without my friends or family having to see it

yet another ex lax breakfast

almost at my lw!!! 173.7 lbs, lw is 173

he says he loves every part of me regardless of anything and i’m like yeah right dude im fat as fuck

i also have a boyfriend now. idk how but i do

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highkey forgot about picrews but i’m back in my bullshit

i took some ex lax last night and let me tell u that shits workinggggggggg im never leaving the bathroom

my mom is forcing me to stop drinking and bought a breathalyzer so hopefully this helps me not be a completely fat fuck. weeds still making me binge a bit but at least i don’t get the hangovers where i just eat nonstop

vanilla yogurt, hemp hearts and ex lax, baby!

i can’t stop crying i wish i was dead

my crush just got engaged and i just can’t stop crying. i’m so happy for him but i also know i will never bbe her

i just can’t stop crying it’s killing me i don’t know what to do

i can’t stop crying

thing is i’m definitely drinking after this so… i’ll be going over but i’m hoping i don’t binge eat

so hungry and rejecting the food my parents are ordering and getting something lower cal so i stay under 1200

182.9 lbs. that’s fucking embarrassing

gonna do a weigh in and see how fat i’ve gotten

i had four eggs with two slices of american cheese and two tablespoons of milk (463 cals) and then two glasses of milk (205 cals). just c/sed two veggie hotdogs w cheese and then chugged a coke zero (~ 50 cals? idk if i’m over or underestimating). 768 cals in total. disgusting as fuck

i’ve had 12 shots of vodka. i’m done

june 6th is the day adjala finally broke

i’ll leave it at that. fucking so tired of how i look.