adjala (-20/70lbs)

back to planning how to 0FF m¥self without my friends or family having to see it

yet another ex lax breakfast

almost at my lw!!! 173.7 lbs, lw is 173

he says he loves every part of me regardless of anything and i’m like yeah right dude im fat as fuck

i also have a boyfriend now. idk how but i do

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highkey forgot about picrews but i’m back in my bullshit

i took some ex lax last night and let me tell u that shits workinggggggggg im never leaving the bathroom

my mom is forcing me to stop drinking and bought a breathalyzer so hopefully this helps me not be a completely fat fuck. weeds still making me binge a bit but at least i don’t get the hangovers where i just eat nonstop

vanilla yogurt, hemp hearts and ex lax, baby!

i can’t stop crying i wish i was dead

my crush just got engaged and i just can’t stop crying. i’m so happy for him but i also know i will never bbe her

i just can’t stop crying it’s killing me i don’t know what to do

i can’t stop crying

thing is i’m definitely drinking after this so… i’ll be going over but i’m hoping i don’t binge eat

so hungry and rejecting the food my parents are ordering and getting something lower cal so i stay under 1200

182.9 lbs. that’s fucking embarrassing

gonna do a weigh in and see how fat i’ve gotten

i had four eggs with two slices of american cheese and two tablespoons of milk (463 cals) and then two glasses of milk (205 cals). just c/sed two veggie hotdogs w cheese and then chugged a coke zero (~ 50 cals? idk if i’m over or underestimating). 768 cals in total. disgusting as fuck

i’ve had 12 shots of vodka. i’m done

june 6th is the day adjala finally broke

i’ll leave it at that. fucking so tired of how i look.

i’ll lose brain function i’ll have heart problems i just don’t care anymore. i really don’t. i cant care for my body while it looks like this it deserves everything im about to put it through

i’ll c/s, i’ll hurt myself if i eat over my cal limit, i will do anything at this point because i can’t stand who i see in the mirror she’s fucking hideous to look at

i’m going to st4rve i’m going to pass out at work im going to have panic attacks im going to get weak im going to worry people im going to get thin again to the point where people think im sick i dont care anymore

and i’m turning back to coke zero for energy/feeling full. like this is it. this is fucking it. i’m not doing this shit anymore

i’m going to fucking lose weight and if it kills me so be it because i can’t exist looking like this

i cannot live in this body any longer i can’t handle the crying in the mirror i can’t handle feeling the fat jiggle and protrude from my clothes and body i can’t handle seeing my side profile when im relaxed I CANNOT STAND feeling my massive rolls when i sit down i can’t stand being perceived

like i have to do this. i have to stop drinking and find some other unhealthy coping mechanism or at LEAST stop bingeing while drunk which is hardly in my control. i’ve got about 2 shots worth of vodka left and im gonna take my thc after and pass the fuck out and hopefully tmrw i can ⭐️ve till dinner