Starfall Haven

Like maybe Aglaea also deserves to go to therapy and told she can rest and relax and doesn't need to constantly carry a heavy burden all the time like she's used to. Yes she's helping but that doesn't make her a spirit guide for Artemis; she's dealing with her own complex past and feelings.

...is flattening Aglaea, why she is motivated and behaving the way she is, etc. it's not just for Artemis's benefit, it's for everyone. We're a community. When it comes to life stress we can only operate as a community.

Even if our therapist is supposed to be primarily therapizing our host we're realizing that ignoring everyone else isn't working. But we aren't magical advice fairies with no feelings of our own either, and I think just saying 'oh Aglaea has really stepped up with helping'...

Also I think we need to start talking about our plurality more in session. Like yeah we can talk about the anxiety over losing our job but thats not the end of the story. You've also got people who are wildly motivated to find another, people who are scared, or people who are indifferent

This isn't to say you are your emotions or thoughts or feelings but rather that our emotions aren't separate from us when we are experiencing them. There may be logic brain and emotion brain but that's about as abstract as we get with it. Our emotions are soup, it's ok for them to be soup

We also may be coming at it from a too literal lens but I think with that kind of abstraction it's useless to us. We can't talk to our panic but we can try to talk ourselves out of panicking; the panic is intrinsically us, not an other we can negotiate with.

Bc we already have a few depressed blobs and believe it or not having them be a conscious sentient entity nullifies basically any benefit whatsoever

Also generally talking to our emotions like they're their own separate agents that have a will 1. Doesn't really connect with how we experience our feelings and 2. Can lead to some dangerous territory. We don't want a sentiment depression blob running around

Like, there IS a schema that works for us, but you have to understand that we as people are built on top of a shared subconscious driven without conscious thought.

Krie: we've really gotta start talking to our therapist about why using IFS parts language freaks us out so much and why we don't really like seeing our emotions as separate entities.

It's not that I don't respect the collective's work or think our skills are insufficient, I just want to throw paint onto canvas and do something expressive and not so concrete. Alas.

Angelik: on the one hand, yes good an art stream. On the other, digital anime art :/

Maybe this is just what I deserve specifically lol 🫠

It sucks to be an individual in this collective. Most of us don't front often enough to make friends and we're so big we all just fucking blur together for other people

No wonder we so often lean into feeling the gestalt of ourselves because when I try to handle conflict I realize how absolutely unknown and friendless I am, personally 🫠

Wraith: real hard to be cool and mean when you're busy telling yourself if you were anyone else people might care about you more

Like 'if you were a fictive someone cared about maybe they would treat you more nicely' isn't a. Fun thought or a nice thought but lol! Who am I kidding

Also this WHOLE THREAD is kind of intellectualizing our feelings ANYWAY but idk writing it out so we can maybe talk to our therapist about it next week seems like a good plan especially since I am one of the aforementioned people who feel less guilt

Anyway the type of Guy that is here to deal with these feelings and like. Do the hard work of standing up for ourselves while We as a whole sort of try to rewire our brain to be able to do this. Idk if it's healthy but it's a thing

Anyway I think Artemis should let me and Bec into therapy we would have a good time

And if we can't fix the root of the problem or are too afraid to do the things to do that (like standing up for ourselves) we either try to shut off that emotion and fawn instead so the perpetrators treat us nicely, thus replacing the Bad Feeling that made us feel like a Bad Person for having it

Avoiding feeling negative emotions by trying to preemptively be a doormat for other people because we don't handle conflict well, but when conflict inevitably happens and makes us uncomfortable we try to fix the root problem immediately instead of being able to Exist In It because it's intolerable

Something something our therapist said about feeling our feelings instead of intellectualizing them (and we realized this week trying to 'solve' them and make them Go Away and how refusing to be mean or honest or stand up for ourselves is just a broader symptom of this same thing

Wraith: thinking about how guilt and general people pleasing is such a Thing with our mental wiring and 'someone who feels less/no guilt and isn't afraid to be pissed and advocate for ourselves' is a Type Of Guy here that seems like more of a role than anything else

We literally just had a gigantic day spanning doom spiral! We've been having ED thoughts! Artemis come baaaack talk about your feelingssss

Kahlo: we're out as plural to our therapist but for reasons don't feel Uber safe talking to them as ourselves and I CAN'T go to therapy I'M NOT SAD ENOUGH

I'm not afraid of saying pussy on this site because anyone wanting to be horny will inevitably assume I'm crazy. Easy creep repellent. Hehe

(we had LABC put in earlier this year, or a new one after 5 years of the old one and not having one single period, and the new one has let us start bleeding TWICE)

Aia: my pussy delenda est. not in the sexy way. Burn this organ

Maybe it's a dream and I'll fade with the morning sun, but I don't think so. Pandora, Isra, Thymos, and I must be here for each other if nothing else. I intend to fulfill that duty as best I can.

Afi: it's so interesting that we have different feelings about coming into existence. The last few have been distraught. I felt odd and unmoored at first, but it is very beautiful to be alive and listening to the thunder outside.