Rain

yeah my sister-in-law gave me that (specifically, used it as a box to give us a bunch of snacks) for christmas, i use it to store most of my spices

made soy sauce eggs today, im trying to cultivate a spirit of patience through marinating foods and not cursing out people i dislike

yeah they are much better now, its just a shame that i cant escape that feeling of being haunted by the past

every now and then the nightmares remind me that i lost friends of years and none of them sought me out to check in or ask clarification or anything, that i just got progressively ignored more until i decided to abandon it all

it haunts me, yet i cant do anything about it

yeah reverse-engineering a story is a really potent tool, but its such a drag - its my plan, i just need to actually do it and stick to it

i either write 2,000 words and hit a wall when i need to do the slow stuff, or i take months building up slow stuff and then burn out or lose inspiration

my latest project i only have four scenes in mind and am trying to make an entire story, its doomer currently

that, too, is part of the journey T.T

every day you dont write is the seed of a tomorrow you do write

yeah i often get hit by setbacks like this

trying to work on it consistently has gotten me to the point where i eat two meals a day, when i can afford to, and a snack or two, which is better than my worst moments

🍻

today i spoke to my - mildly estranged - mother about migraines and the sympathy and understanding made me realize that i could have been receiving that my whole life if i would have simply learned how to communicate it instead of stonefacing it

a win for the future, a loss for the past

i try to experiment a lot with spices and strong flavors to cope with this, and when that inevitably fails (like when my migraine makes the concept of eating seem horrible), i eat a bowl of rice or some bread every two or three hours to keep alive

this seems very useful, thank you

i really need to learn how to read academia better, i always feel very embarrassed when i need to read something written by someone who put their heart into writing and/or researching it only to get stumped because of how dense it is

does anyone have any advice for that?

intense storms are a nightmare with migraines, it feels like a part of me is being scooped out - i had a couple hours of decent functionality but now im glued to my couch and truly just doomed

the human body is tragically designed

soul’s shell, emptied-out well, winter’s kiss, wit I miss,‌ bound by a holly crown, soul’s blight, sick by light,‌ summer’s touch, far too much,‌ by oaken reign I drown, begging prayer, where, oh where, may I thrive?

Dance in the mourner’s mist, be swallowed by fog’s tryst, the grave you kissed, in demise you shall prance, bleeding by empty lance, robbed in a tired trance, falling deep into sleep’s bog, nothing left to even flog, trapped by harsh smog, a lifeless broken slave, neither bold nor ever again brave, never to again rave

#poetry #rainspoetry

a couple not quite worth posting individually

the feeling of losing energy as you try to create is so painful, i often wish i could just be put in an empty room with perfect conditions and food and just somehow miraculously keep writing until i had nothing left in my heart

🔥🔥🔥

I thought this was a type of metaphorical poetry until the reply

yes!

it was really astounding how well-written it was, it reminded me that writing goes beyond fiction and there area a lot of very skilled writers who write about reality with the conviction and dedication to match any storywriter

wishing you the best, and i hope you can treasure your mind now - its never too late

i cant remember the article name, but this reminds me of a really good article i read about how hijira are fetishized and their legal recognition is weaponized to put down any trans women in that category by insisting they are a third thing and don't actually believe or want to be women

its natural to lose some of your memories, especially if they're traumatic, and we live in a world where taking care of your mind and giving it what it needs is borderline antithetical to the average way of life - its not your fault, its the fault of a society that failed us all

it’s hard to be grateful

i know i should be happy that i can eat today, that i have drinkable water - neither of those things have been a guarantee in my life

i wish it would satisfy me to know that and feel at peace and continue on, it feels greedy to desire more

the problem with trying to help people is that i cant let myself be a hypocrite and so i end up with days like today where i try to put in the effort im encouraging someone else to put in and then i cant take it or afford anything to take the edge off and i feel like charred remains of a person

i have a billion settings ive made but ive never really worked on any good projects for them long enough so i think the reverse approach, like you mentioned, is going to save me hopefully

anxiety lingers in my heart as a mass of sounds and tastes and smells and touches that i remember and when something pushes it to the top i cant stop remembering them all and i feel like a cornered animal

I forgot that I have the ability to write multiple things in one setting - I feel inspired to write something gritty and action-filled, and I realize I can put it in the past of my more dramatic and thoughtful and ‘modern’ setting

a close up of a girl wearing sunglasses and a shirt that says vnf ALT: a close up of a girl wearing sunglasses and a shirt that says vnf

🍻

hoping we both have enough kindness to give plenty to others without tearing our own hearts apart for it