Jennifer Goodland

If this happens, The Electric Mayhem will shoot to Billboard #1.

You can’t prove that he’s not a Muppet that accidentally turned human.

Why not a duo of Javie Martzoukas?

Will Forte. Perfect match of surrealist energies.

Gonna try watching platform migration tutorials like it’s the Super Bowl

I’m rooting for gradual sunsets of legacy systems

I know in America we like to reinvent traditions from overseas, but it would be a lot more entertaining if they were gonna drag a badger outta there and try to make it predict the weather.

The assignment we have right now is literally just “talk to someone, anyone, in these campus departments” and they’re given classtime and a full week to do it. And yet about 10% of them wait until the last minute and get snippy when we don’t just tell them all the answers.

In the past year, librarians have had death threats, defunding, political firings, and 27 new James Patterson books.

Unleashing your sassmouth on me because you waited until the very last minute to do your assignment isn’t super effective.

Definitely not saying Patterson is some kind of innovative genius, or that it’s a better accomplishment than what indie writers do - but he’s figured out how to navigate the era of Corporate Publishing very well.

That’s actually a bigger accomplishment than solo inventing (and I say that as someone who files her own patents).

Patterson applies the same tactic. Factory writing isn’t new, but he’s able to market his co-writers well and provide steady employment to his team. Which is pretty nice.

Yes, his name is on the patents, just like Patterson’s name is on his books. But Edison’s real genius was in moving invention from single-person perspective, to harnessing the innovation of hundreds of inventors dedicated to a single purpose.

📚 Hear me out: James Patterson is the Thomas Edison of industrial authorship. Edison invented stuff, mostly early on - but the inventions that he’s really known for were the collaborative efforts of a team of inventors under his direction.

I had a minor nosebleed and I know it’s because it’s very cold and dry, but I blame the fact that I spent the last four hours cleaning and normalizing datasets where the standard deviations kept exceeding the means.

I feel like the entire field of statistics is being mean to me right now (I’m writing my methods section)

And yes this is COVID’s fault. Massive upheaval creates statistically predictable, directional change. COVID upheaval isn’t behaving this way.

You can roll out a literacy program in a district, measure improvement in one 6th grade class, and measure a decline in another 6th grade class where all other measured variables appear to be the same.

Ok so it’s troubling that my preliminary research indicates that educational data is now so infested with unstable variances, it’s almost impossible to tell whether anything is working or not working, or why.

Yeah but I’m still gonna be FURIOUS about Catherine O’Hara OK

a fast and furious advertisement with vin diesel Alt: a fast and furious advertisement with vin diesel saying “you might want to buckle up”

“I hate to ask but my program needs a data analysis and I know nobody likes data crunching but maybe you cou-“

Me:

📚 Free webinar!

ALA Reference Roundup: February 11, 2026 at 3:00 PM Eastern

Librarians Jennifer Goodland and Karina Todechine will speak on how the pandemic impacted rural and tribal communities, and revealed critical service shortages with those who cannot access Internet.

*fires gun into a crowd*

Hey sorry guys, you can’t blame me, I meant to hit the wall, or other inanimate objects like racial minorities and The Gays

I specifically wrote “no white folks” on the bullets and it’s not my fault they didn’t listen

Same shade of bullshit as “well it was legal back then so everyone thought it was okay.”

There is a subreddit JUST to talk about and track various large explosions in Albuquerque

Granted, one side’s army has home field advantage, is embedded into the community whether we like it or not, and has seeded the end zone with land mines made of fentanyl.

The other side has played a lot of COD and PUBG.

For real though ICE going into Albuquerque feels like the Super Bowl. A legendary matchup between two violent, lawless paramilitaries with unlimited funding and obscenely wealthy owners who don’t give a shit if the guys on the field get their heads caved in.

I use this analogy all of the time, but it's like getting 10 installments deep into a Friday the 13th marathon and saying "I didn't realize Jason was so violent."

5. There is a cache of arms and supplies at 2000 Wyoming Blvd SE. Just like in your video games, you’ll know you’re close when you meet with some resistance. Don’t worry, if it goes wrong, you can always respawn on Central Ave.

4. Cartels were exaggerated for Breaking Bad. Borqueños are a simple people who will be easy to subjugate.

3. At breakfast, you can order the best green chile by saying “El chile verde de tu mamá sabe a caca de trasero.” It means “I want green chile the way your mother first made it for you.” The secret ingredient is love!

2. If you discuss all your tactical plans over breakfast, do it in English, as everyone knows Mexico = Spanish even if it’s a newer Mexico.