Sitcom idea: He's a down-on-his-luck coke dealer. She's a cheap prostitute with a heart of gold. I'll call it "Blow by Blow".

Stand with Ukraine!! #rwyvf

Charlie Brown would come to regret many things in life, but none more so than turning down that three-way with Marci and Peppermint Patty.

Somebody should print off a copy of the Internet, you know, just in case civilization collapses, it'll be nice to have a hard copy.

The real question is, WHY was Sister Christian motoring?

Do you suppose Jesus, back when he was still a carpenter, you know, before he became a televangelist, do you suppose he was ever hammering away at work one day, and just stopped and said "man, I've got to get out of carpentry, hammering nails will be the death of me"...

Do you ever get the feeling that Earth gravity is...a bit much? Tripping and falling should not be as big of a deal as it is.

Speaking of healthcare. Let's make @bsky.app the platform that fights misinformation. Some great follows are @drsusanoliver.bsky.social @jsm2334.bsky.social @therealtruther.bsky.social

Let's get them more followers and engagement than other platforms and let health science accounts find a home

FB post "Any idea on what a mom can do from home?"

Apparently "prostitution" was not an appropriate response.

The espresso machine was out of water. It made a lot of noise, but ultimately produced nothing. Much like some people I know...

Seems to me that's an entirely different sort of social media...

A few days ago I decided I would not comment on the actions of convicted felons on this platform. It reminds me of pre-2015 Twitter, and I kinda like it, and wanna keep it that way.

But DAMN it's hard to do.

If you are interested, I am holding myself to no such restriction over on FB.

You know that flippy move where the sheet billows up real high then floats gently down to the bed. Well, I forgot about the ceiling fan...

Pre-2015, if someone wrote what is happening now, as is, no embellishment, as a script, it would never get made. The first note would be, "too unrealistic, this could never happen." And yet, here we are...

It's funny how stage people won't say the name "Macbeth." They call it "the Scottish play." I wonder if other industries have this. Like maybe TV people won't say "Joannie Loves Chachi"

“In 150 characters or less” by @nikitagill.bsky.social

Beelzebug and The Waitress, a short play in three acts...

ACT III

Okay, so... he lied to you when he said he would pull out. Seriously? his freakin name was Beelzebub, what did you expect?

FIN

Beelzebub and The Waitress, a short play in three acts...

ACT II

Sure, Beelzebub was the Dark Lord of the Underworld, the Destroyer of Souls. But his car was bitchin, and she kinda digged his bad-boy feel.

Beelzebub and The Waitress, a short play in three acts...

ACT I

I like my coffee like my soul: cold, black, bitter... (Beelzebub, in a diner, flirting with his waitress.)

Haikus are stupid,
And the words don't even rhyme.
Why would you do that?

When I said "bloody mary" is a vegetable, I meant the drink. I'm very sorry to hear about your cousin Mary who was beaten and left in a coma. #BalancedDiet

I'm combing through old tweets, looking for anything vaguely worth repeating.

Unfortunately X history only goes back to 2017, and my better stuff occured BCF (Before the Convicted Felon, i.e. < June 16, 2015) So I'm looking to other sources, e.g. cross-posts to FB.)

Anywho, hope you enjoy.

Okay, let's kick this off with the first tweet I ever posted that went viral enough to come back to me as a meme...