Def. Not Banksy

he died doing what he loved… teaching bears to high five

It's obvious but still striking to consider that we have a United States government driven solely by one man's emotional dysregulation and dysfunction.

Internal White House meetings going on, like, "Hopefully the racism will distract from the pedophilia which will distract from the killings which will distract from the pedophilia again which will distract from the economy which will distract from the pedophilia a third time"

ZOOKEEPER: So our last snake is our yellow Burmese python

ME: *way too loud* A bananaconda

ZOOKEEPER: *pulling out his tazer* look away kids

Luttig: It doesn’t matter what the Supreme Court does from this point forward. For two years, the Supreme Court has authorized the absolute lawlessness and unconstitutional activity of this president.

The orcas have discovered fire.

[wife holding box of mac & cheese] the powder packet is missing, weird

[me holding large glass of what looks like orange milk] that is weird

So the “elected” President with his elected majority House and Senate says they have to takeover elections because Dems cheat. Make that argument make sense.

Photo shop of Ayatollah holding a hard drive over his head. A confused man in a suit is in the foreground.

Iran Offers To Turn Over Voter Rolls To Confused American Diplomats

Me: Dating's not going well.

My Therapist: Hang in there. Even Stephen Miller found someone.

Me: *stabs myself with the rake from the little zen sandbox*

Photoshop Senator John Fetterman holding a creepy doll

John Fetterman's Top Policy Advisor Increasingly Erratic

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art not as hot

Photoshop of Kennedy Center exterior on the water. The roof has gold fountains and a giant gold eagle. The water has statues of a giant gold horse and a giant gold swan

Kennedy Center To Close For 2 Years While President Turns It Into A Gaudy Hellhole

Demand DHS Accountability Reforms in the Funding Bill Add your name to demand that DHS funding include real accountability and enforceable limits before this legislation is finalized.

Congress is negotiating DHS funding right now. Any bill that moves forward must include real accountability for ICE and Border Patrol. Add your name and share the petition: peoplefor.org/DHSreform

Scientists should invent a Good Day clock that counts down to everything being fine

A small plane is tangled upside-down in power lines.

“NOT ONE WORD, KATHLEEN.”

my favorite part of the melania movie is when dorothy’s house falls on her

Interesting that she did lobbying work for GEO Group.🥸

Stephen Miller on his death bed breaking down in tears, lamenting that he could've ruined more lives

This morning, shoveling for the 4th time in 24 hours, I was done with winter, done with snow. Leaning on the shovel, catching my breath, I heard a small child down the block shouting with unabashed joy, playing in the snow for the first time. I sighed, smiled, and thought to myself, “Fuck you, kid.”

Seems unfair that you only get to use the bouncy slide to get off a plane when things have gone wrong. The bouncy slide should be a treat they give to the best passengers who did the flight correctly.

I have no patience for pomegranates. I don't have time to solve your fruit puzzle.

"Give me the peace prize or I'll kill you" seems like a pretty funny joke until it literally unfolds on the world stage

Statement from Michael and Susan Pretti Parents of Alex Jeffrey Pretti “We are heartbroken but also very angry. Alex was a kindhearted soul who cared deeply for his family and friends and also the American veterans whom he cared for as an ICU nurse at the Minneapolis VA hospital. Alex wanted to make a difference in this world. Unfortunately, he will not be with us to see his impact. I do not throw around the ‘hero’ term lightly. However, his last thought and act was to protect a woman. The sickening lies told about our son by the administration are reprehensible and disgusting. Alex is clearly not holding a gun when attacked by Trump’s murdering and cowardly ICE thugs. He had his phone in his right hand and his empty left hand is raised above his head while trying to protect the woman ICE just pushed down, all while being pepper sprayed. Please get the truth out about our son. He was a good man. Thank you.

Kare 11 local news just read, in full, this statement from Michael and Susan Pretti, the parents of Alex Pretti.

"Please get the truth out about our son."

ICE in disarray: a shih tzu has run away with greg bovino in its mouth

INTERVIEWER: what is your greatest strength

ME: i go berserk whenever i hear an oxymoron

INTERVIEWER: wouldn’t that be your greatest weakness

ME: *lunges across desk*

teacher: what does “agnostic” mean?

me: I don’t know

teacher: correct! how about “ambivalent”?

me: *shrug*

teacher: yes! how about “nihilistic”?

me: what difference does any of this make?

teacher: amazing

#Epstein

#EpsteinFiles

Anyone surprised? Feeding info to Putin? Today we read he’s invited Putin to serve on his peace team for Gaza?

Translation Putin has the P tapes, Putin has the Epstein files!