I was at a comedy club in Manhattan last night.

Comedian: Where you from?

Audience member: Texas!

Comedian: Oh! Here for an abortion?

Crazy how even after 14 years Minecraft is still the best video game

Have I read all the books I own? No. Will I keep buying more while re-reading my favourites? Of course. My bookshelf, my rules.

Hello

“i was born in the wrong generation”
i am alive the same time kindle unlimited exists. im where i need to be

Nothing gives me as much peaceful pleasure as reading a good book when it rains

a cat paw on a grey blanket, bean side to the camera. one pink bean is visible in white fur.

What if... one... bean

She is NOT spoiled! Take it back! 😉

I can help you save money with two easy tips:
1) Don't buy that
2) If you must buy that, there's probably a cheaper version of it that's just as good

People with homes are so rarely cold at night that I just don’t think homes are necessary anymore.

[ominously] now the jingle hop has begun

*invention of archery* "Man I really wanna stab this dude, but he way tf over there

I get it… it’s pretty peopley out there.

once upon a broken heart threw me into book depression… tempted to start caraval but im kinda looking for something with a little spice 🌶️ any recs for romantasy books with a great plot and decent spice? i’ve read all the sjm books, from blood and ash, and could not get into zodiac academy.

stardew valley puts a wizard in your rural farming town and he sometimes does magic but his main thing is he had a messy divorce

Normalize slow writers with seasonal depression and full-time jobs. Like, 500 words is a good day for me and I will not be made to feel bad about it 😂

If a man grabs your boob, don't panic. Pull out a knife, stab his hand, break free, slash him across his throat. Force a knife into his belly, and gut him like a fish. Threaten witnesses, and warn them not to fuck with you. Stab him in the heart. Check to see if the rapist piece of shit is dead, yet. Suck his guts out through his mouth, until his body goes flat.

If someone grabbed my boob I could see being mad…

This escalated quickly 😂
Fuck ☠️👻

A personal favorite. The older I get, the more poignant it becomes...

american schools: on the first thanksgiving, the pilgrims and native americans shared dinner to celebrate their peaceful coexistence in the new world 😊

me: that sounds nice! what happened next?

american schools: uhhhhhhh. dessert

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you.
One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order.
No explanations, no reviews, just covers.

Day 6

they should make video games so that they listen through your mic for the sound of a beer opening and when it detects it your character in the game will also have a beer in their hand

Liking casual games does not make you any less of a gamer

Liking casual games does not make you any less of a gamer

Liking casual games does not make you any less of a gamer

Liking casual games does not make you any less of a gamer

Stop gatekeeping… casual gamers are just as valid

A rap battle is two men writing poems about each other

because i liked a boy is actually a devastating song

Choose 20 books that have stayed with you or influenced you.
One book per day for 20 days, in no particular order.
No explanations, no reviews, just covers.

Day 5

love that my favorite hobby is video games but im also incredibly bad at playing video games

Magneto wearing steel amd gray colors now instead of purple.

Guess these are the days of Fuchsia passed

Can you imagine telling younger me, who witnessed the vitriol and hate twilight received for basically being a girl fantasy romance, that ALL THE MEN on the internet were going to read ACOTAR?

Y’all… I think this is progress…