Jeff Estrella

Nothing quite like an existential crisis at nearly 4 am

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It's amazing how alone and invisible one can feel even when connected like never before

Been kind of struggling as of late honestly.

It sucks looking around and understanding you got exactly what you wanted only to realize you don't want it anymore. I spent years, isolating myself making myself small, now I don't know how to reverse that.

I am thinking of #writing a blog post about this to explain it better but does anyone else feel like they are simply running out of time? I feel like I’m up against this imaginary deadline and all this standing in place is giving me anxiety and making me feel like I am behind

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I’ve spent most of the day near tears, frustrated, angry and alone and now it’s nearly 1 a.m and I don’t know what to do with myself. I might just go to sleep and hope tomorrow is better.

Have you ever been afraid that maybe you are too broken to be loved? It's a feeling I've been struggling with lately and I don't really know what to do about it

Yeah, I have to give that a try! I think I’ve been so focused on writing for an audience that I forgot why I started writing in the first place.

It almost feels like I'm afraid to write these days, like I'll start a new story but get only a few words into it before everything in my brain is screaming at me to stop, that one more failure will spell the end of everything, and I don't know what to do about that. #writingcommunity #writerslife

What made you stop dreaming?

I never realized it before but I have a hard time being in the moment. My mind is always worrying about something else, or thinking about tomorrow or even the next five minutes that it feels like I truly don’t soak in the importance of the now. It’s something I have to work on. I just don’t know how

“I still despise the day you became important to me, because on that day you became my greatest gift and my greatest fear.” #writingcommunity

Same here! Ever since Covid my perspective on a lot has dramatically changed including this!

You know what sucks? Finally understanding you don't matter as much as you thought you did to someone, and it makes you begin to wonder if you ever matter at all.

I woke up one day, looked around and realized I had spent years isolating myself, and I don't want that...not anymore, and if we are going to get through the next four years, we are going to need to lean on each other. So, if you are a writer, or just looking to meet new people. Let’s connect!!

I woke up one day, looked around and realized I had spent years isolating myself, and I don't want that...not anymore, and if we are going to get through the next four years, we are going to need to lean on each other. So, if you are a writer, or just looking to meet new people. Let’s connect!!

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How do you all find your hope amidst all this darkness and anger?

I just want to be enough

I no longer know what to do

Anybody else ever get paralyzing fear over the vast unknowingness of the future? Like I try to see what my tomorrow holds, imagine my life 10 years from now and I can’t. My future feels entirely unwritten. And that is a gift, but also fucking terrifying.

What I would give to know if my tomorrow turned out okay.

I’m so afraid of failing to make a difference, of looking back and realizing I wasted what time I had… worry about all the wrong stuff, caring about all the wrong stuff. Some days, it all feels like a lot but all I can do is keep going right?

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Watching Les Misérables for like the 20th time. Will more than likely be in tears in about 2hrs time if not sooner, no matter how many times I watch this, it never fails to make me sob! #LesMiserables #Theater #Musicals #crying

Has it really been 10 months since I've posted anything on here? There's been so much that has happened! How's everybody been? what have you all been up to? #Bluesky #WritingCommunity #Welcomeback? #amwriting

My Birthday is in a week and to be honest I'm not really looking forward to it!

For the past 3 years I've written a year in review, and with 2023 being as momentous a year as it has been I'm thinking of writing one for this year, but 3 or 4 months ago I decided to take a break from writing until the new year, amidst fears that I had lost my love of it. Should I write it anyway?

My future is written amongst the stars, my path laid out for me like constellations. The universe calls out my name, should I answer the call?

Do you believe in fate or destiny or something else entirely?