Stories for my Future Children

My daughter's drawings of people can best be described as "Mr Potato Head-esque"

Hubby: I think maybe we could try shifting towards simpler meals.

Me: I totally agree! Lemme just make this BBQ sauce for my slow cooker ribs, then we can talk about it.

After spending the day trying to encourage my 5 mo to roll from his back to his stomach for the first time since he was getting so close, he had the audacity to do it for my husband while I was in the shower...

Apparently when you blend religious grandparents with agnostic parents, you get my toddler talking about "Cheesus" 😆

On the one hand, it's nice to travel with in laws, visit family, do tourist-y things, etc. On the other hand, can we pretty please go home now.

5 days into a family trip and my conservative, Southern Baptist BIL admitted that it's more important to have a law that bans abortion than it is to actually decrease the number of abortions... Is that actually supposed to be a pro life stance?

Don't get me wrong, I love travelling with my in laws. But they also think that my kids will be okay with getting in and out of the car 5 times within an hour.

My favourite part about travelling to the West Coast is when the kids wake up at 5 AM 😵‍💫

My 4 mo has turned a corner where he's just so darn happy and smiley all day and I'm so glad this day has finally come 😍

My baby woke up from his nap to vomit spectacularly all over the floor so that's been a fun turn of events for the day.

Can anyone remind me why coffee and a cigarette isn't a viable breakfast option? My brain running on 5 minutes sleep doesn't remember anymore.

Of course we have to start listening Christmas music now. This guy* doesn't know ANY of the classics so we have to start practicing early 🙄

*My 4 month old

4 mo wakes up from his nap screaming non stop.

Hubby, seeing me breastfeeding: is it time for him to feed?
Me: nope
H: ... Then what are you doing?
Me: seeing if the reboot button will fix it.

Baby was wide awake at 5:30 this morning. I asked him politely to go back to sleep and he just responded with "AGOOOOO!!" so I guess we'll be staying awake 🫩

I know we're not supposed to eat raw cookie dough because raw flour could give you food poisoning, etc. etc. but also, counterpoint, it's delicious

I kinda wanna go through my closet and purge everything but I've also spent the last year pregnant or post-partum and literally none of my usual clothes fit at the moment so my closet would be empty.

If your 4 mo isn't screaming like you're actively murdering them, are you even putting them down for a nap?

Baby is actually having a good start to the evening so naturally I'm using my time wisely and shopping for matching thanksgiving pjs for the kids.

We've officially got a little boy who's rolling from front to back! I was a little worried he was going to end up doing back to front first so I'm glad he snuck this in 😆

I swear this baby tries to do parkour every time he nurses.

I adore my in laws. Hubby was telling his parents last night that we had a rough week with the baby not sleeping well and the toddler being sick a few days ago. My MIL's response was to say they'll be by at 9:30 to take the kids to the park 😍

Yesterday was the first time I had to put the toddler down for a nap alone while taking care of the baby. Stars aligned; everything went super well. Today was the opposite. I swear, the stars were colluding against me.

Summary of my day:

Purple cakes made = 2
Children bathed = 1
Impromptu trips to the ER cause we thought my toddler put a fork in her ear = 1
Naps taken = STILL 0!!!

Just me praying to the baby and toddler gods that at least 50% of my household will sleep through the night tonight 🙏😴🫩

3 yo, last night: mommy, your hair is beautiful! 😍

3 mo, last night: mommy, not only am I not going to let you sleep tonight, I'm going to make you feel like you've never had a full night sleep. Ever. 😵

It's July 6th and we've already hit our 3 visit requirement to make the family pass to the local pool worthwhile. Phew.

We have done 2 outings to the park today and 1 to the pool and if this 3 yo does not pass out, I will do so on her behalf

My poor MIL thinking we could bond over our shared... lactose intolerance only to find out that not only are my Scandinavian genes lactose tolerant, they actually require cheese and/or heavy cream at every meal.

Context: my in laws are coming over in an hour and hubby just finished work.

Me: alright, we need to clean off the table, prep the food for supper and tidy up a bit.
Hubby: but first, I need to mow the lawn.
Me:... I don't think you actually know what the word "need" means 😑

When I was a kid, I did not realize that being a parent involved googling how much ube and beetroot powder are required to die cakes purple and pink but here we are.