We gain an hour sleep tonight, which will surely make up for 6,840 hours of sleep we’ve lost since January 20.

People would know bearing false witness is a mortal sin if you'd post the 10 Commandments in public schools. After kids learn when to use your or you're they could memorize the 10 Commandments.

Shit your pants? Perhaps el presidente could recommend an affordable adult diaper.

If James Dobson was sincerely "pro-life," why did he die? Hypocrite.

count von count from sesame street is holding his finger to his lips . ALT: count von count from sesame street is holding his finger to his lips .

Let's count the ways you're bad.

Not necessarily in that order.

You have 3 months to stock up!

He can't be president, but he can buy another one.

Then you didn't "bring it home."

Drop "condemned over" and it looks like a headline in the Onion.

Where's the eagle's chainsaw?

I expect Rod Serling to step in and welcome you to the Twilight Zone

Please turn over so we can read the sports section.

The fact that it wasn’t will forever be America’s shame.

I'd honestly rather suffer with JD Vance's boring, awkward but competent malevolence than go through another four years of listening to this deranged, blathering moron lie to us before doing stupid, vile shit.

A beautiful sky free of drones! Or is the Mothership hidden behind clouds?

America elects Trump for a second time and the Oxford dictionary word of the year is “brain rot”. That is all.

Have no fear! trump will fix the printer issue as soon as he solves the problem of low pressure faucets and shower heads!

Does Shelob live in your house?

Dessert yesterday and breakfast this morning?

You can remove the quotation marks from "singer" in your profile!

Will Chicago Sports Network come to an agreement with Comcast so I can watch the Bulls this season?

Beautiful. The yellow and gold leaves have been popping the last few days.

"Recess Appointment" is how Matt Gaetz meets his dates during lunch period.

My favorite Christmas album!

That's a very clean sanitary channel.