⛧ Fyodor‘s Cello 🚬✖️|🍋🍊|🔆🌺

I don't know what exactly it means, but a three-sentence YouTube comment (which could easily fit in a single Bluesky post) that ends with "sorry for writing a whole paragraph, lol" probably means something and I'm not sure it's good.

✨ SPECIAL GUEST ANNOUNCEMENT! ✨

Katelyn Barr joins the LVL UP EXPO 2026 lineup!

🩷 You’ve heard her as Mina Ashiro in Kaiju No. 8, Himeno in Chainsaw Man, and Ryukyu in My Hero Academia, now meet her in person in Las Vegas!

🎟️ Grab your badge at ➡️ lvlupexpo.com

✨ SPECIAL GUEST ANNOUNCEMENT! ✨

We’re excited to have Adam McArthur joining us at LVL UP EXPO 2026!

🟦 Meet the voice behind Reno in Kaiju No. 8, Yuji Itadori in Jujutsu Kaisen, Marco Diaz in Star vs. The Forces of Evil, and more live in Las Vegas!

🎟️ Grab your badge at ➡️ lvlupexpo.com

✨ SPECIAL GUEST ANNOUNCEMENT! ✨

We’re thrilled to welcome Kaiji Tang to LVL UP EXPO 2026!

🟦 Meet the voice behind Satoru Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen, Ichiban Kasuga in Yakuza: Like a Dragon, Osamu Dazai in Bungo Stray Dogs, and many more in Las Vegas!

🎟️ Get your badge at ➡️ lvlupexpo.com

Al poses on stage with the entire band and crew for his Bigger & Weirder tour

And that’s a wrap on our 2025 tour! Huge thanks to the greatest band and crew in the world, as well as to everyone who came out to see a show! Hope to see y’all again soon!

gaoshun from apothecary diaries doodle

Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities

Area Woman Not Good Enough Artist To Justify Eccentricities
https://theonion.com/area-woman-not-good-enough-artist-to-justify-eccentrici-1819577481/

DioGio but it’s forced vampirification.. ah yes son you will be my perfect immortal bride… whether you like it or not…

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television

Area Man Constantly Mentioning He Doesn't Own A Television
theonion.com/area-ma...

Completely Charmless Flower Girl Walks Directly Down Aisle CANYON LAKE, TX—Remarking that the 3-year-old didn’t even come close to stealing the show at a recent family wedding, witnesses reported Monday that they were unimpressed when a completely charmless flower girl walked directly down the aisle. “Sure, she did her job, but she utterly failed to delight us with any adorable toddling, spinning, or […]

Completely Charmless Flower Girl Walks Directly Down Aisle
theonion.com/complet...

Experts Say It Not Too Late To Change Careers At 50, Though They Sure As Fuck Wouldn’t

Experts Say It Not Too Late To Change Careers At 50, Though They Sure As Fuck Wouldn’t theonion.com/firewor...

Fireworks Accident Blows Off Tip Of Florida

Fireworks Accident Blows Off Tip Of Florida

I hope they listen to my perfect idea for his colors 🙏

A poster with a cat and the words: THE WRONG AMAZON IS BURNING THE WRONG ICE Is MELTING

Good morning 🫡

Parents Promise Children That Divorce Won’t Prevent Them From Drunkenly Hooking Up On Occasion

Parents Promise Children That Divorce Won’t Prevent Them From Drunkenly Hooking Up On Occasion theonion.com/parents...

Amputee Inspires Others Not To Lose Limbs

Amputee Inspires Others Not To Lose Limbs
theonion.com/amputee...

Dark times call for reckless purchases.
store.theonion.com/p...

Entitled Child Expects To Eat Lunch Every Day ALTOONA, PA—Saying the pampered 6-year-old seemed to think someone should provide her with a midday meal on a regular basis, sources told reporters Thursday that local entitled child Harper Wiley expected to eat lunch each day of her young life. “Can you imagine? Not just on the odd occasion, but every single day!” said a source […]

Entitled Child Expects To Eat Lunch Every Day
theonion.com/entitle...

shidou ryusei would not say the n word ??? why are people so dead set on saying he would ????

New Bomb Capable Of Creating 1,500 New Terrorists In Single Blast

theonion.com/new-bom...

Texas Bans Consensual Sex

Texas Bans Consensual Sex
theonion.com/texas-b...

Here’s my cosplay lineup for Amazing Comic Con Las Vegas 2025! I’m excited to go

Report: It Probably Fine That 5-Year-Old Just Whizzed By On Lyft Scooter

Report: It Probably Fine That 5-Year-Old Just Whizzed By On Lyft Scooter
theonion.com/report-...

CDC Publishes   Female Body Hair Guidelines ATLANTA—Stressing that the rules were formulated for the safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released new guidelines Thursday governing female body hair. “Effective immediately, women nationwide are advised to remove all hair from arms, legs, underarms, and genital areas or suffer the legal consequences,” said CDC spokesperson Jamie Reardon, stressing that […]

CDC Publishes   Female Body Hair Guidelines
theonion.com/cdc-pub...

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Meets Anime Expo 2025 Special Panel Kira Buckland will host a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure panel at Anime Expo 2025. Also, Warner Bros. Japan will introduce the Steel Ball Run anime.

Kira Buckland will host a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure panel at Anime Expo 2025. Also, Warner Bros. Japan will introduce the Steel Ball Run anime.
jojo-news.com/2025/06/05/j...

Guido Mista

I Don’t Vaccinate My Child Because It’s My Right To Decide What Eliminated Diseases Come Roaring Back

From The Archives: I Don’t Vaccinate My Child Because It’s My Right To Decide What Eliminated Diseases Come Roaring Back theonion.com/i-don-t...

‘Advertising Doesn’t Work On Me,’ Says Chosen One Who Will Lead Humanity Out Of Dark Age Of Commercialism

‘Advertising Doesn’t Work On Me,’ Says Chosen One Who Will Lead Humanity Out Of Dark Age Of Commercialism
theonion.com/adverti...

‘It’s Good To Practice Some Self Care,’ Says Man Kicking Back And Letting Last Chance At Happiness And Success Slip Away

‘It’s Good To Practice Some Self Care,’ Says Man Kicking Back And Letting Last Chance At Happiness And Success Slip Away
theonion.com/it-s-go...

Billionaire Buying Sandwich Unfairly Targeted With 5% Sales Tax

Billionaire Buying Sandwich Unfairly Targeted With 5% Sales Tax
theonion.com/billion...