@darkhelmetsb.bsky.social
Dark Helmet, Lord of the Schwartz, Leader of the Imperious Forces of the Spaceballs. Coffee and radar enthusiast. Parody/semi-RP comedy. Crosses the streams mercilessly.
Set phasers to "inebriate".
31.10.2025 22:01 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Yeah, it's a long story. I've got a new body on the way from the Oscar Mayer Cloning Facility on Hormel VII.
31.10.2025 19:56 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 1It's some alien space god that makes Scientologists' brains bleed if they hear his name.
We're in the same monthly poker game.
::as a blue glowy Schwartz ghost::
I hope you serve spirits here.
XENU
31.10.2025 19:12 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0In exorcism, possession is nine-tenths of the law.
31.10.2025 15:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet as a Schwartz ghost
::drifts into the bar as a ghost::
I'm here for the boo-ze.
31.10.2025 11:26 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Memo to all personnel: alien sex ghost candles are strictly prohibited.
30.10.2025 15:43 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet as a Schwartz ghost
Oh. Apparently I'm dead again.
I guess I am getting into the Halloween spirit.
It's Thorsday. Let's get hammered.
30.10.2025 13:27 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0IT'S TIME TO PROBE URANUS
29.10.2025 22:00 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
Megamaid explodes
Why are the alarms going off? And why is the computer counting backwards?
29.10.2025 19:42 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Should I get lunch from Borger Queen or Boba Jangle's?
29.10.2025 17:51 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0But why is Morn covered in blood and green slime?
29.10.2025 12:29 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I don't care about your holographic waifu.
29.10.2025 12:16 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0JIGGLE THE HANDLE
29.10.2025 12:06 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0You just can't trust the Zeta Reticulans. They keep leaving drunk rednecks with sore anuses on my lawn.
28.10.2025 16:13 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
28.10.2025 13:17 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Howling Mad Barclay
I'm not sure what @notbrocli.bsky.social is dressed as for Halloween. A pilot of some kind?
28.10.2025 12:52 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet Schwartzes a guy.
The executions will continue until morale improves.
27.10.2025 16:53 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0Today we have programmed your agony booths for "Oh God It's Only Tuesday". Please keep any screaming to a minimum as it upsets the spoo.
28.10.2025 11:10 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0What's red and yells? An ensign in an open airlock.
What's blue and doesn't yell? The same ensign a few minutes later.
Is it booze o'clock yet?
27.10.2025 19:35 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Apparently "Blood for the Blood God" is not an appropriate motivational phrase.
27.10.2025 19:13 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0The Four Horses of the Apocalypse say the Time Is Neigh.
27.10.2025 18:19 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet Schwartzes a guy.
The executions will continue until morale improves.
27.10.2025 16:53 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
I'm not sure what @annoyedobrien.bsky.social's Halloween costume is supposed to be.
27.10.2025 12:20 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Today we have programmed your agony booths for Maximum Unpleasant Stimuli. Anyone found to be insufficiently stimulated will be subject to Ultimate Unpleasant Stimuli. Have a nice day.
27.10.2025 12:18 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0If drinking whiskey from the skulls of my enemies is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
27.10.2025 01:39 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
