@darkhelmetsb.bsky.social
Dark Helmet, Lord of the Schwartz, Leader of the Imperious Forces of the Spaceballs. Coffee and radar enthusiast. Parody/semi-RP comedy. Crosses the streams mercilessly.
Begin Operation Arsedeath.
05.02.2026 02:10 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
Planet explodes
All I wanted was a sandwich.
05.02.2026 02:01 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Arlind C. Sacramento Vampire?
I think we dated.
05.02.2026 01:37 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0It's Pon Farr Night at the Vulcan nightclub. Polishing my helmet so I get noticed.
04.02.2026 23:42 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Repent now and double your savings!
04.02.2026 23:41 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Today we have programmed your agony booths for "Billy Ray Cyrus". Please refrain from rupturing your eardrums with any nearby sharp objects.
04.02.2026 19:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0You don't question Captain Mommy because she will execute you herself. She brought you onto this ship and she will take you off of it.
04.02.2026 02:31 — 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0Tuvix deserved to die.
03.02.2026 23:52 — 👍 3 🔁 2 💬 2 📌 0Today we have programmed your agony booths for "Oh God It's Only Tuesday". Please keep any screaming to a minimum as it upsets the spoo.
03.02.2026 12:36 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
SPACEBALLS THE ORGANIC SNACKS!
02.02.2026 22:26 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet Schwartzes a guy
The executions will continue until morale improves.
02.02.2026 17:37 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Today we have programmed your agony booths for Maximum Unpleasant Stimuli. Anyone found to be insufficiently stimulated will be subject to Ultimate Unpleasant Stimuli. Have a nice day.
02.02.2026 16:49 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0And then Q turned Ensign Timmy's head into a moose. Not the head of a moose, the whole moose. True story.
02.02.2026 00:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Megamaid explodes
GOODBYE DAVE
01.02.2026 05:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I've drank enough to go to plaid.
01.02.2026 05:19 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Remove Herr Klown by any means necessary. Any means.
01.02.2026 04:15 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Yes, they're birds and they're named after the cloaca because they're all assholes. Ha ha. These are the jokes, folks.
01.02.2026 04:14 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0The Klowahkan ambassador has been found dead in their quarters.
Fowl play is suspected.
Fifty thousand spacebucks?!
30.01.2026 19:08 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
30.01.2026 18:18 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
What's with this bill from @cousinnudaq.bsky.social for something called "Fartwork"?
30.01.2026 17:22 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Just between you and me, I don’t think that fellow in the blue port-a-potty actually has a medical degree.
30.01.2026 00:30 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Hydrogen and stupidity are the two most common elements in the universe...and I'm not so sure about hydrogen.
29.01.2026 23:52 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet Schwartzes a guy.
When someone says "It's Hump Day!":
28.01.2026 12:28 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Dark Helmet Schwartzes a guy.
The executions will continue until morale improves.
27.01.2026 12:58 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
27.01.2026 12:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Today we have programmed your agony booths for "Oh God It's Only Tuesday". Please keep any screaming to a minimum as it upsets the spoo.
27.01.2026 12:20 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Remember, you are 95% chimp by volume.
26.01.2026 14:56 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0HOLY HYDRAULICS
24.01.2026 00:07 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0LEAKING LUBRICANTS
24.01.2026 00:07 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
