I'm so fucking lazy. My complaints recently are that it takes too long to get to her place. I said the same stuff about the girlfriend that died.

Anyone in Minneapolis want a dog?

This cute pup is a delight, but also a constant reminder of the girlfriend that died. I kind of want to just be free and not have pet responsibilities.

Anyway, she doesn't like pets and I know why. I've had to give up doing things to take care of the dog. I really like her. Probably more than the dog.

Guess this is where I post all my crap. I'm 54 and a virtual widower (we'd been together for 12 years but never married). Having a crush on someone when you're this old seems really odd.

It has been a good week so far. I brought her car to my garage and had a major breakdown thinking she was home early when I walked out the next day. Plus I haven't had to deal with the relatives all week.

So I don't forget, my 3 deep memories of my ex are 1) the amazing first kiss at that English Beat show, 2) that sneaky kiss where she worked, and 3) the kiss at the end of our walk to the river.

I'm having a very Grosse Point Blank night. The one that got away shit.

Derp. Neither of us are deep beings.

The dog. A deep just like me.

Enough venting tonight. Prost!

She found me my pup. I'm happy I have someone to cuddle.

I am so thankful for my friends. They have all been so amazing. I don't deserve them.

The cry today was an art robot we got during an art fair. I didn't notice initially, but it was a holding a small champagne bottle with our names. Fuck that hit hard.

I'll never find another. I just turned 54 and she'd be 48 in a couple of weeks. We both loved music and going to concerts and EDM shows. Our last 2 shows were Crystal Method and Steve Aoki. I'm glad she had some great shows before I lost her.

Short long story, we'd lived together for years. Her cancer was being very aggressive and she moved to an apartment because she didn't want me to have to deal with what actually happened.

Shit, I didn't mean for a lot of people to see this. Anyway, have fun.

And they aren't fun to deal with.

Since I was just a boyfriend, I have no legal rights to anything. We had to up the family tree to find anyone who could deal with stuff.

Thank you puppy. Always ready to give licks and cuddles.

We had concerts to go to. Looking at all the stuff we had planned is just devastating. And when memories pop up on FB, they are things I'll never get to do with her again.

I am just so mad. She didn't deserve that death. I was supposed to be holding her hand as she went out on her terms. Fuck cancer.

Deep breaths. Was a great idea until I did it right after my dog farted.

I'm pretty sure none of my friends follow me here and I need to vent. My girlfriend died a month ago and I just want a place to gripe.