✨️summer soft✨️

See you're actually funny. Like really.

You feel me! Exactly why I chose my words carefully. Not that I've the sort of online engagement that would get me jumped but you never know on here. Things happen fast lol I am self aware enough to know that some of the people I am in community with may not be so perceptive to my opinion on things

Also when you are a person who people project onto very easily, you become sort of good at being able to tell whats yours, whats theirs, what is actually happening vs. what isnt. You can see how fragile people really are. How much they dont even mean to do it. Everyone is just trying to feel safe.

It is frustrating to me when others dont see it. When people engage in it rather than call it out. I understand we all want and need validation, recognition, to be seen. But watching the collective break their backs to be noticed for personality that feels manufactured just grosses me out idk
🤷🏽‍♀️

I wish I had a better way of saying it. There are just subtleties in the way some people speak or behave thay signal something to me that doesnt feel right or real about them. I dont know if its a judgement thing or not but it feels more intuitive than anything.

Imma be real honest here and tell you its just a feeling. My experience has taught me to follow it, listen to it. I am unsettled in my body by it. Strangers, friends, family. I just know. And even when someone isnt necessary inauthentic, it easy for me to notice when theyre trying very hard.

Someone said that desire and or love for another is seeing the God in them and fuck, that's hot.

I am watching people work very hard to be impressive to their groups. The performative wit and irony, watching people cosplay intelligence and depth...

It feels deeply insulting to me. I can't stand it.

But thats why I dont spend a lot of time online lol I get turned off fast by folks.

Honestly, the way I feel about things would come off as offensive or rude to people. And also with some of the specific stuff I am referring to, I just dont think I am the person people will wanna hear it from.

I will say though..

Spending all BHM talking about the horrors of white people is certainly a choice. Don't do it!

And if I start speaking on it, it's gonna turn into a whole other thing about whats my place vs whats actually true. So yall got it! Bless!

The performance of identity is always gonna be gross and disturbing to me but I am not the right messenger for this sort of thing.

Desire is a whole other topic entirely but imma get to that as well.

In the last year I have had an experience thats taught me a lot about myself and other people. My understanding of power dynamics, intimacy, transactional energy exchanges, intuition, psychology, romance, kink, sex..its all been transformed. I can't wait to talk about it.

Someone told me that if I want to make friends I have to stop showing my open disgust for everyone all of the time and like thats just not fair. I am very sweet. I think people are great. And also disgusting.

Health insurance is really wild because why do I have to go to 50+ therapy appointments that I pay for in full out of pocket before my deductible is met and can then pay a tiny fraction of what it costs? Thats almost the entire year. So like. What is even the point of having it?!

Correct.

I can feel the creativity itching to come out of me. The fear will not win.

The universe knew what you needed and said since you're here..a gift! Right on time 🖤

Danielle Deadwyler, you will be famous to me forever and ever 🖤

Idk. Station Eleven is still one of the best book to screen adaptations I have seen. A single, perfect season of television that is actually better than its source material. What a dream!

You need some melatony and a good gummy!

I am watching Knight of the Seven Kingdoms and I love when I clock some shit from episode one and it comes to be the actual thing later on. Is this pattern recognition in TV writing? Mayhaps!

This is me talking to me.

Self reflection without self flaggelation allows you to see where they were right and also where they were wrong without spiraling or missing the lesson. You can take what serves you and leave the rest. If you're honest.

No. But it's hard for people to be vulnerable. Love requires that. Folks are scared. Folks are jaded. Vulnerability is often misunderstood, punished or undervalued. Love requires being seen and looking at people through the lens of truth. Thats what is hard for people I think. More than love itself.

This is it. Its really hard when you do and it isnt appreciated, respected, understood or validated. But its all about the exposure. Getting comfortable. Being seen. Being rejected. Being okay with it. Being seen. Being accepted and embraced. Being okay with it. The goals are authenticity and truth.

Girl same. I looked around like...OH. YOU RIGHT.

I know everyone is on the "being a hater is actually cool and important and necessary if youre doing it right" train but honestly? It would be so great to see more people loving. I am so tired.

This is gonna go nowhere btw. My ADHD is a ring of fire.