Jonathan Opossum

“We are all, how you say, trying to find zee guy who did zis.”

San Francisco Examiner

Oct. 13, 1925: A spaghetti eating contest in San Francisco is marked by a clash of styles, as Edmond Imperato (left) uses the “gravity method” of letting the pasta drop into his mouth while John Valentini twirls traditional forkfuls. Valentini wins.

A pencil drawing of Columbo by Peter Falk himself.

Tomorrow is Columbo's Day, so remember to eat the traditional chili dogs, wear your best disheveled raincoat, and above all, don't let any rich assholes get away with anything

cry havoc and let slip the frogs of war

My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking?

Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

US Constitution with a Spirit of Halloween banner across it

Let’s be clear about what happened to Jimmy Kimmel Trump’s most brazen attack on free speech yet.

"[W]hat’s so striking about the Kimmel case is how swiftly Nexstar (and ABC) rolled over. They didn’t even try to put up a fight to defend their own ability to control what goes on their airwaves."

Sorry I was late to your wedding, my flight was canceled because my pilot posted a Charlie Kirk quote verbatim in the comments of an Instagram Reel.

These Harry Potter knockoffs are getting insane

US President back-pedalling furiously after his administration treated some innocent hard-working Koreans like they were innocent hard-working Latinos.

Sign in a grocery store that reads "Potatoes are behind you"

seems impossible to make a potato threatening but here we are

Huh they don't seem to have fallen for it

Last night I had a dream I was at a casual house party and the dude sitting next to me on the couch was Andrew Lloyd Webber. And I turned to him and said "Hey, Andy--" and he gave me the biggest stink-eye so I lowered my voice and said "Sorry, I mean Sir Lloyd Webber" and he smiled and nodded.

My photo shows a blue spherical bead in the form of a hedgehog curled up in a defensive ball displayed on a grey background. It is made of Egyptian faience, a ceramic material with a shiny blue glaze. The hedgehog’s face, ears, feet and tail are shown in relief, and the quills are represented by black dots painted over the surface of the bead. A hole for threading runs through the sphere - it can just be seen on the right hand side of the bead. The hedgehog’s long ears suggest this is a desert hedgehog. Desert hedgehogs may have symbolized rebirth because they reappear after hibernating underground in winter. Dated c.1985 - 1650 BC. On display at the National Museum of Scotland in Edinburgh.

Happy weekend!

From c. 3,600 years ago, here’s an ancient Egyptian bead in the form of a curled-up hedgehog! 🦔💙

Blue faience, c. 1985 -1650 BC.

National Museum of Scotland www.nms.ac.uk/search-our-c...

📷 by me

#Archaeology

PSA: If you need to reheat a slice of pizza, heat a frying pan in the stove on medium, fry the slice for ~5 minutes to crisp the crust, then pour a little bit of water into the pan and immediately cover to steam the cheese for ~3 minutes. Absent an air fryer, this is the best way to reheat pizza.

frog on a lilypad.

frog on a lilypad.

This afternoon, after mowing the lawn, it finally happened. My Summer 2025 white whale. My eminently attainable, mild quest for the holy grail.

I give you: Frog. On a lilypad.

At a gallery where an artist has one of her paintings displayed for the first time…
 
ART CRITIC: Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?
ARTIST: Sure
ART CRITIC: It’s pretty much worthless
ARTIST: That’s okay, you can tell me anyway

Goodbye to dial-up: AOL closes a chapter in web history - Salon.com AOL’s dial-up shutdown silences the screech and “You’ve got mail” greeting that defined the dawn of internet life

"And what if she had seen those glories fade,
Those titles vanish, and that strength decay;
Yet shall some tribute of regret be paid
When her long life hath reached its final day:
Men are we, and must grieve when even the Shade
Of that which once was great, is passed away."

behold: a woman

21 years ago today the Dave Matthews Band emptied their tour bus's septic tank into the Chicago River, soaking 80 people taking a boat ride with fecal matter. Dave Matthews Band dumping shit on a boat full of tourists can low legally drink in every US state.

Tell me you grew up in New Jefst without telling me you grew up in New Jefst.

orange cat lying on floor with square lights reflected on his flank that resembles lit windows

live action catbus looking pretty sweet

I don't love how cynical this take sounds, but it does feel like the best interpretation of the available evidence.

Now that the question on people's mind is "how are you enjoying being stabbed?" not "how tasty does that ham sandwich look?" of course their responses change. But it's not so much an actual reckoning or shift in how people think. It's just that people pay attention to what's right in front of them.

Voter behavior makes more sense when you assume people just aren't thinking through things. In 2024, voters were given the choice between a ham sandwich and being repeatedly stabbed, and since they had been looking at the ham sandwich for 4 years and found it unappetizing they chose the alternative.

STOP DOING OFFICES meme

getting into this template

VectorStock image of a drawn guillotine with the subtitle "Guillotine Execution Device Royalty Free Vector Image"

royalty free, exactly

slurpee machine with one crashed screen

I'm drinking the Bios Crash slurpee I hope it crashes my bios I hope I blue screen

Heck, the official target audience of my now defunct theatre company was people who last did theatre in high school or college and missed cast parties.