Frau Cupcake Volny 🏳️‍⚧️

Azrael a Smokey black cat sitting at the counter.

I said goodbye to my oldest friend today. The best cat, Azrael. I love you baby 💕

Thank you so much 🥰💕

Ahhhhhhhh!

(interview today, along with lots of other stress)

Fancy peets!

This week is insanely up and down for life circumstances.

Truly not a boring life.
Definitely getting my therapy’s worth.

I had a gummy, smoked, and ate oatmeal and chocolate while playing Tetris effect.

I’m doing the best self care possible and I think I’ll survive after all.

Fully lucid, no anesthesia/twilight, butt scope was not on my bingo sheet for this week 😭😭😭

Yes I know it’s only 5 minutes for a jpouch, but that was an extremely uncomfortable 5 minutes 🤬😡

Cupcake, a beautiful transgender woman, wears a pink suit and presents at a DiversIT event in Leipzig, DE.

This was a lovely talk to give and I look amazing doing it!

Cupcake, a beautiful tattooed transgender woman with long hair, lays naked in bed on her back in an open knit sweater, revealing her body, with her arms up pulling you down on top of her.

“Come back to bed honey”

“I like both of you”
“You can’t do that, you have to like one of us more, you have to pick. Because you didn’t, then you can get neither of us.”
“Okay that’s not how I feel but I think I understand”

I never belonged in monogamous culture. My love has always been queer.

Freshman year of high school, I had a crush on two friends so I asked them both to the homecoming dance.

They were friends with each other, so they discussed it, and jointly confronted me.

“You asked us both to the dance.”
“Yes”
“Which of us do you really like tho?”
“I want to take both of you.”

Sometimes your people do these amazing, small acts that really remind you “I’m showing up as exactly who and how I want to be and there are people who see me, who get me.”

Today had one of those moments.
I’ve been feeling a lot of those moments lately.

I’ve really lucked on building community.

If I could only beam this photo back to baby Cupcake and say “baby you can do it, you’re gonna feel great someday. Trust.”

I’m 38 years old.
I’ve been on hormones less than 5 years.

Cupcake, a gorgeous transgender woman with pink hair, smiles cutely at the camera in a black skirt and black crop top. She had many colorful tattoos and is wearing dark lip stain and black eyeliner.

It’s honestly unreal getting to look this good 💕

It’s wild to know I did these things and have imposter syndrome about it.

Like I can remember that, brain chill out, please I’m begging you.

Writing a presentation about myself is hard in the depth of burnout.

Like I can talk about something I did and sit here feeling dumb like “wow, could I even do half of that now?”

Not having a job is really fuck with me. I spent so much energy and time on my career then took a break and fell apart.

Wow I love getting to wear good looking, good fitting jeans.

*two days later*

Googling: can you hurt your pussy wearing tight pants too often?

Sometimes trauma can really make you doubt whether you even are able to feel safe and be happy in relationships.

It’s weird that the one publication I have is for a social network that doesn’t really exist anymore.

Moreover that I fled the network when it became a nazi platform.

So I researched something that doesn’t really exist and that I don’t really believe in.

But hey, I have that publication I guess.

I studied social network homophily/ filter bubbles and strategies to counteract them.

We can make some really cool graphs to showcase changes over time (pre and post grant to measure efficacy).

I sympathize with the followers who signed to see me being hot and naked and are confused when they see mostly therapy monologue lately.

It’s not how I expected 2025 to go either.

Wow I had a very hot, gay evening.

I'm actually really good at typing my words by myself, usually.

Like a hard conversation about a long distance relationship that just isn't feeling accessible anymore, I can write that myself and it's heartfelt.

Responding to (approximately) "fuck you bitch," I'll use computer resources instead.

I waited until the next day, I fed the conversation and the surrounding context / backstory in, and I said "I don't want this relationship anymore, nor this conversation anymore. I want to use this as an opportunity to restate my boundary without moralizing shaming and giving myself clear closure."

Using AI to write my relationship closure text responding to abuse so I make 1000% sure I'm not opening further dialog and I'm making myself absolutely clear.

Bonus points for knowing she'd hate that I used AI to write it.

The irony here is sufficiently delicious to offset the guilt of using AI.

We’re all on our own journeys. She’s got struggles of her own. Maybe this is just how friendships work for her, no accountability, or if there is it’s a rupture.

I feel badly about it all, but mostly I feel bad for her. I am a great friend and I show up for people. She’s losing out and cant see it.

I got the "fuck you, fuck off" text while at the grocery store.

I have not dissociated so strongly in public in ages. I just checked out and went home and sobbed.

I really deserve better friends. I need to stop trusting that because my people are friends with someone that they're good people too.

When I said "that's fucked up, I don't let my friends treat me this way, you're out until you can be a good friend"

She was so mean. I have never been bullied by another woman like this, least of all someone I have spent so much of my hardest months with, someone I really loved spending time with.

So I hear some hard things and say "wow, I'm going to ask her what she means in her own words then"

So I do, and gosh she was so mean. Just brutally honest now about playing at being my friend because the chance to say "um no, I just don't dislike you enough to ask for solo with Emma time instead."

So Emma asked her what's the deal and what she learned sucked. Our halloween party was about to be just us 3 like most Fridays, and I said "wait, no, I can't do that without knowing what's been going on. I'm really uncomfortable about how she recently spoke to me and I need some clarity."