Chip Ahoy

“Have you thought about putting ointment on it?” -friend who only has one piece of advice

What if spider-man was called writer-man and he wrote all day and defeated his enemies with words not just his fists

The Burger King coup

I should’ve known that trying to get my chicken, fox and corn home in one trip would become a pain in the ass

Mario was so damn fun to watch back in the day before Bowser stepped on his ankle (on purpose let’s be honest) he was never the same player after that. One of the greatest “what ifs” in basketball history

I, Talian

I think your last name should always reflect your current job, which is why my name is Bob Pornography-Cameraman

a head of lettuce, eye of newt, nose of carrot, mouth of orange peel, ears of a good listener, etc.

They should make zoos where instead of looking at animals you get to look at stuff

Being a single mom is the hardest job on earth, yet Reba made it look effortless

Prisons won’t let inmates carve soap anymore because I carved my soap into a set of keys that can open any door

What if George Lucas came out and said “Star Wars obviously takes place in the future. Idk what I was thinking”

It’s insane to me that as a kid you could just watch graphic videos online of stick figures fighting to the death. Where were the parents??

Ygor in son of Frankenstein sounds a little like strong bad

Frankenstein’s Monster at the grocery store: that doctor Frankenstein? Shit, him spotted me… Heyyyyy how it been

Remember when the Abomination was fighting the hulk and abomination said “I’m the abomination of Obama’s nation” and Hulk said “even Hulk can see the wisdom in that”

Maybe I’m just a cynic but I don’t think I could learn to appreciate new perspectives if my head was twisted all the way around by a large ape type beast

Lobster dating show ‘Love is Brine’

Are coffins big enough for vampires to sleep on their side if they so wish?

Ohhhhh I get it they’re called the Boston Red Sox cause they play in Boston

You know it’s Halloween season when you see stores putting out the bags of peeled grapes and wet noodles

The troll that guards the bridge is on his smoke break now’s our chance

I’m never more in my element than when I’m sitting on a couch

A picture of Spider-Man villain Hypno-Hustler

Why are we never talking about the Hypno-Hustler

“Mom, a big meany at school called me a Momaw Nadon today”

Are the Jawas the top Star Wars guys of all time?

Excuse me ma’am, but is that pussy small penis compatible?

Mayor McCheese should walk around with a French fry cane

“I am more morally epic than thou” -the pope

It’s not a picture of me it’s a picture of Race Bannon from Jonny Quest.

Face reveal