RajjiMcFloofens

Final logout across all accounts with this name other than FA. I'll still be kicking around under a new name. Regardless, best of luck to you. Sorry I am as broken as I am.

Be good, dont die, death bad. Take care...

how I feel since 2016 or so

I'd say im sorry but I think this was bound to happen eventually with how my brain works. Just easier this way for me. Worrying and trying to appease people all the time has ruined me. Best to just stop trying and do what comes naturally.

Be good, dont die, death bad. Be kind to yourself. Farewell.

My mind's set. Im not going to come back to these accounts for a long time. I'll severely limit my existence and keep a few friends on an alternate discord account.

Telegram will still be there, I'll check rarely though.

Fa will remain, but Im only going to post art I get on there.

I hate this Im tired i hate this all so much i hate this im fucking tired i cant handle this shit anymore im tired i hate this im still being forced to keep trying i hate this I hate it im tired im tired i hate this im tired

Ive lost what little energy ive held onto to fight it and I hate it. I hate the fucking world for what it's become. I hate all of these people for the blissful ignorance they all show. I hate the cruelty I've been given despite that all I've ever wanted to do was help and be kind.

Whats the point in trying when every moment of my day is spent fighting my mind off. Legitemately EVERY. FUCKING. MOMENT. I am analyzing and thinking deeper and deeper on everything around me and all conclusing turn to the wosrt outcomes. All of it makes fucking sense by the end of it.

All things considered I should be fine I should feel safe I should feel accepted but im ugly and cruel and full of so much hate and I can never ever ever let it show. All it does is ruin someone else's day and im viewed as a fucked up monster which at this point is just flat out true.

Every single day is like going out to a fucking warzone for me. All it takes is one thing to send me spiralling downward and ruin my own fucking day. Never do I get to feel fine, safe or accepted anywhere I go.

Debating on deleting all my accounts and shit soon. Start over with a new face and name and completely change how I interact with the world around me.

I hate this. I dont even want to be a furry anymore this shit's slowly ruined me.

America: where someone suffering from homelessness or schizophrenia gets thrown in prison, but someone who openly molests children is elected president

Oh and for those of you out there who think im piss drunk right now? Im perfectly sober. Go fuck yourself. Genuinely go fuck yourself.

I guarantee im going to come out on the other side of this and eeeeeeeeeeverybody is going to treat me differently. If I dare come back I cant wait to see the concerned faces just staring unknowing of what to say to my psychotic ass.

I'm not okay hahahah I've never been fucking okay guys what a revelation is this! I have a therapist and it's not fucking working hahahahahahah! Im doing all the fucking steps and all the fucking work to get better and it's not fucking working guys isn't that grand?!?!?!?

Just tell me you cant handle people with "issues" so I can write you off as a shallow asshole. Just tell me you can only handle people who handle their emotions like and adult so I can write you off as a shallow asshole. Just tell me I fucking suck across the board so I dont invest myself into you.

Just tell me my only worth to you is that im a tool or an escape or a meaningless source of pleasure for your stupid fucking fantasies so I can write you off as a shallow asshole. Just tell me you're going to be nice to me and never acknowledge me so I can write you off as a shallow asshole.

I think the best solution for me would be some genuine deep down honesty in all its brutal fashion. Just tell me you dont care and I can write you off as a shallow asshole and call it a day. Just tell me im too emotional and problematic and I can write you off as a shallow asshole and call it a day.

I still dont want to come back. Im tired. I dont want to look at people and say "im sorry" for freaking out like this again. Sorry doesnt mean anything from me anymore. Id say it wont happen again but it likely will. Id say ill try to be better but i'll get tired again and fuck it all up again.

So yeah. Yeah im doing this again. Yeah im tired. Im tired of feeling left out and forgotten all the time until im of use again im tired of feeling like my presence is conditional im tired of seeing all the signs that im not welcome like other people are.

I dont want to come back.

I hate this.

Im fucking tired of all this struggle I dont want to struggle anymore I just want to have a long lasting peace that doesnt immediately degrade into shit like it always does.

I just want to throw this stupid fucking mask ive made as hard as I can against the ground until its fucking sand.
You can tell me "you didnt need to hide so much of yourself" but in honesty I did. I tried being genuine and I was fucking hated for it.

Now im out here, having tried for so insanely fucking long I dont know what to do anymore. Im getting help im getting therapy I still feel like fucking shit every day and im still fighting off the same thought cycles every fucking day.

All ive ever been was a fucking tool for people to use. Family didnt give a shit about me. My parents didnt give a shit about me. People I once considered friends and tried my absolute best to get to know better and be apart of their lives didnt give a shit about me.

Im just an online weirdo after all a little fucking circus clown to laugh at/with who fucking cares who he actually is.

Any time I leave the internet I am hit with the brutal reality that I'm alone. I have nobody. I've had nobody for a really long time. Even when I lived with people I was alone.

Im always telling myself ive fucked up every time I show any emotion deeper than surface level interaction. 9 times out of 10 I have.

I hate having to supress myself to be nice and friendly to people I know couldnt give even half of a shit about me at the end of the day.

Go ahead and tell me im just being dramatic, go ahead and say im overthinking things go right the fuck ahead and turn around and walk away when I show my ugly heart to you.

I'm tired of burying it all the time and I have grown to hate everyone around me with how many little truths I see from them.

I'm really thinking about dropping everything I've built and everyone I've met again. Im bitter and angry to my core. I've never been the kind of person a lot of your have gotten to know.
You dont understand you'll never understand.
Im broken, always have been.

Mmmh.
Yeah. I think im going to log out and think a lot of things over. Ive been feeling awful for a really really reallllllly long time and I just dont think holding onto anything is worth it anymore? I've burnt so many bridges because I'm fucked up and awful.

So.

Im logging out.

Fuck it!!!~

Can you skip the part where you "care" and just tell me what you want from me? That'd be great sweetie.

You legitemately have zero idea who I am or any personal notes about me other than the art I get can you actually fuck off?