The Itch

A jack-o-lantern on someone’s porch steps. The pumpkin is old and starting to rot in such a way that it looks like an old man with no teeth, making a grumpy expression, with the top also falling in. This pumpkin has seen some stuff.

Anyway please enjoy this pumpkin I saw yesterday

Morning.

Bo Nix goes temporarily blind for an hour or two every Sunday.

A video pinball machine with a blue screen of death

last night at a bar I learned that they improved pinball by making machines that are entirely computers and they’re much better than what we had before

White House clarifies Trump ignored fainting guest for sociopath reasons, not dementia reasons.

The numbers put up by Pelosi in her Hall of Fame career are undeniable. Over the last decade, Pelosi’s portfolio returned an incredible 816 percent, according to public disclosure records. The S&P 500, meanwhile, has returned roughly 229 percent. Awe-inspired fans and analysts theorized that her almost omniscient ability to make correct, seemingly high-risk stock decisions may have stemmed from decades spent analyzing and perhaps even predicting decisions that would be made by the federal government that could impact companies’ stock prices. For example, Paul Pelosi sold $500,000 worth of Visa stock in July, weeks before the U.S. government announced a civil lawsuit against the company, causing its stock price to decrease.

these actually are all-time numbers tho. first ballot hall of famer:

Nancy Pelosi portfolio gains over last decade: 816 percent
S&P 500: 229 percent

goes crazy

Finally. Your turn, Schumer.

Me on the very first day of puppet school

Whoever puts bacon in the dugout wins this game

a man in a dark room with the words none of you seem to understand behind him ALT: a man in a dark room with the words none of you seem to understand behind him

Eric Lauer:

This game is like I got caught smoking a baseball and now I have to smoke a whole pack of baseball

don’t you understand? Game 3 IS Game 4!!

Who hears “the jays got him for only $30K” and thinks woohoo!

"i just use it to generate ideas"

One consistent thing this time of year is that there are crows everywhere. I spend a lot of time thinking about crows. They have the most obnoxious vocalizations of maybe any animal, they’re aesthetically unpleasant and feel like a harbinger of death, and they know when they’re bothering you and they enjoy doing it. Drives me crazy how well they’ve adapted to LA. I saw one just this week going through a garbage can, methodically picking items out of it one by one and tossing them on the ground, looking for foodstuffs. It was making a horrible mess, a mess you’d normally associate with humans. They’re such a pest, and the worst part is you have to respect it. They’re fat and happy and they thrive. They’re annoying in a way that suggests profound intelligence. If they could get around to inventing money, they should get tickets for littering. Treated like equals. I have met crows that should be in jail. There’s one in my neighborhood that seems to have a problem with me personally. They’re my favorite bird.

Revisited this spectacular Kaleb Horton paragraph about crows this morning. "I have met crows that should be in jail" is one of those sentences that's so good you're initially furious you didn't write it yourself before circling back around to just being glad you got to read it.

Marvin Harrison Jr. reminds me of Kendall Roy.

This rules lmao

Photo of a missing slice of cheesecake that looks like a cheesecake hull floating in a deep blue ocean. The "ocean" is actually the blueberry topping on the large cheesecake that we don't see completely.

All I saw was cheesecake boat and ocean for at least 5 minutes

Also the sequel: A Butt On Nightmare Street

This is one of the most beautiful things I have witnessed, the craft here is impeccable.

They are now the Minnesota Twin. Not enough players to be the Twins anymore.

Trump's AI plan calls for massive data centers. Here's how it may affect energy in the US President Donald Trump’s plan to boost artificial intelligence and build data centers across the U.S. could speed up a building boom that was already expected to strain the nation’s ability to power i...

apnews.com/article/trum...
Massive amounts of electricity are needed to support the complex servers, equipment and more for AI. Electricity demand from data centers worldwide is set to more than double by 2030, to slightly more than the entire electricity consumption of Japan today.

I hated reading this so much.

I hope he's kidding.

Please Tarik just throw regular.

This here is what it's all about.

You can keep score in the standings if you insist.

Baltimore's got its own game.

Holiday weekend watchlist:

Sinners
We Own This City
Training Day

pure adrenaline and pain
very America

Prospect News: Jhonny Levels Up or Marconi’s Cooking Read about prospects making gains, including Jhonny Level, Marconi German, Tyson Hardin, Esmerlyn Valdez, Max Anderson and more.

Prospect News: Jhonny Levels Up or Marconi’s Cooking

razzball.com/prospect-new...

Honestly baseball might be more fun if teams got to make transactions for other teams.

Our moment is NOW!

The robots are LOST!

Zohran: Imagine living in a city where you can afford your rent, your groceries and even a meal at a restaurant now and then without much stress

Eric Adams: Imagine a platypus so powerful that it could destroy the city. We need more cops