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Work started out terrible this morning making me wish I was in janky glitchy class again instead of being yelled at for 2+ hours

Thank god my neuro appt is tomorrow, it could just be the weather but with all the migraines I have been having despite being medicated for them, I’m not so sure

Oh baby that’s the second nosebleed in a week

Even with the switch 2 and excitement to play on it I am just. Not all here. I hate summer for how hot and miserable I get, and I hate winter bc it fucks with my brain and just makes me sad all the time no matter what

“I’m down for whatever,” I say, falling asleep.

Closing my eyes to go to bed and try not to feel a type of way about people blowing smoke up someone’s ass only to throw them away the moment they get what they want elsewhere

being a human is so annoying

I do all my own stunts (staying in bed, crying, having panic attacks, screaming endlessly into the abyss)

hate when something totally random happens to make me overthink for no reason… anxiety is fun lol

Always looking at the holidays like who will still be around and who will my SAD scare away this year

It’s funny how every winter comes up and I think about “is this the one that gets me”

It’s that time of year where I feel sad 24/7 and I’m more sensitive to stupid things, almost like I’m PMSing 24/7. I love the cold but at what cost

It’s gotten cold real fast here to the point work’s heaters aren’t keeping up, so I shrimp in my chair at work in a blankie, and still freeze. And like most things that are defrosting, I am stiff and fragile as I try to stay warm

I have not gotten warm since getting home… my back, my shoulders……

I always feel like an outsider no matter what friend group I am in. It’s a me problem but it always makes me so abjectly distraught

Suddenly very sad

Argath chapter when he goes kamikaze

Paid a bill I wasn’t supposed to and panicked when I looked at my bank acct but telling myself feverishly that it will all work out

Even MORE bad news about mom I cannot

Watching the same shit happen like a fucking cycle and kicking myself in the ass again. When will I learn

I like to think I have a lot of patience

Another one bites the dust

Questionable taste

But I’m proud for what I got done this weekend despite the exhaustion and Saturday’s all-day crippling migraine. So there’s that I guess

Been stewing on it all day but god the vibes in my nightmare were peak, and classic, horror movie/game. I already have CFS, nightmares are a constant just making everything worse, every day

You know it’s a bad sign when you have nightmares about work lol

I am not mentally there for a Monday rn but it is what it is

Discourse? What I miss out on now

Biggest thing rn wishing I could just go check into a hotel for a while. Or maybe a mental health unit, but the latter probably wouldn’t allow my brown noise and the pure silence there would kill me

Sometimes I contemplate doing a lot of bad stuff just for some fucking peace and quiet in my life

Anxiety sucks bc wdym I have a mystery red bump on my leg and it’s not bug related (it could be bug related, but brain always assumes bedbugs)

Not the Hilda inflation kink on main UGH