Evan M. Bedford

I hope that I disappoint you.

#poetry

So you try and sabotage
any sense of reassurance
that I have.

You fucked me over
and you got away with it.

You won’t even pay for
your actions.

After painting me
as the villain.

While you were the one that
fucked up the entire time.

#poetry

You set me up to fail.
You manipulated me.

You lied to me.
You claim that I’m in the
wrong—while I’m clearly not.

You are evil.
You are disgusting.
You are the scum of the earth.

You are depraved.
I offended you one day
by merely existing
in your presence,
but I was only
too good for you.

You are far from near.
To me that is clear.

I never got to know you.
In a fit of rage that
opportunity—I did sear.

Giving way to fear.
Untrusting and unwilling
to lend an ear.

Only to pout—
and never to cheer.

#poetry

Nothing feels right,
because it never did.

#poetry

I am entirely taken
from what is safe. I have
been dragged against the
ground.

I am entirely taken
from what is safe.
All memory of the pleasant
reality I once knew—
has been distorted.

I hear them laughing.
At what they’d consider
a fool.

I have lost all that is pleasant.

#poetry

It’s actually fucked up
how people treat me.

I try and I try and nothing is
good enough for them.

And if it’s good enough—
which it never is,
it’s only good because they
say so.

They will step on my
blue suede shoes and
won’t care that they did.

They will blame me for
having shoes.

#poetry

When I stare at her—
it takes my pain away.

And I am letting her down—
that makes me feel
sad to say.

And I am letting her down—
that makes me feel
bad to say.

#poetry

She is my source of hope.

She makes every hour
seem sooner in the day.

It is beside her—
that I wish to lay.

I have many things
only to her—
that I would like to say.

She is the reason that I
bother to wake up
for each day.

I feel far away from you.

You'd lie just to not
talk to me, any longer.

I do not want you.
The only one lying to me—
should just be me.

I do not want you around,
any longer.

For, without you—
I feel that I am free.

#poetry

I am not worthy of a nod.

You shouldn’t,
because I am Satan.
I look straight through you!

You are no one to me.

I will put an end to you
just as quick as I can blink.

It would be that easy.
You are trash.
That I wouldn’t think
twice to dispose of.

#poetry

Maybe I’ve just been
trying to be Robert Pattinson
this entire time.

#poetry

Maybe I’ve just been
trying to be Joaquin Phoenix
this entire time.

#poetry

I think that you are
wrong about me.

And I think
that you are just as
immature as you claim
me to be.

I think that you are a
childish moron.

#poetry

It is not there to look
pretty—even if it is.

It is there to make
you feel pain!

To awaken you from a
moment of inactivity.

It is there to make
you hurt!

#poetry

Everything is in my way
I have to cut through.

#poetry

You are a burden
and I don’t even
know why I decide to
keep you around.

Your statement is
false on many levels,
but you will just assure
me that you are right.

Even though,
I am certain that you
are the one that is false.

#poetry

You embody the chaos—
to fight it.

Using the chaos
for the greater good.

To only destroy that
which chooses to destroy.

#poetry

You are given every
reason to uproot society.

Instead, you choose
to change it for the better.

You became vengeance.
While they became
malevolence.

You can relate to how they
feel, but you use what is
out of control and decide
to control it.

I knew what you
wanted and I didn’t
give it to you.

That’s why you do
not like me.

#poetry

I had a point, and I
fear that my point
is misunderstood for
being rounder than it is.

It was very sharp—
as the water
is transparent.

#poetry

I don’t tell jokes—
so that I won’t fear that
I can’t tell if they are laughing
at me—or with me.

If I didn’t feel that way—
I’d probably be a brilliant
comedian!

If I carve a smile into my
face—will they leave me be
for not smiling?

#poetry

I don’t want to be seen
as casual—so I take it too far.

I end up taking myself far
too seriously.

I don’t smile—so that I
don’t appear silly.

My heart has frozen over.

That is why around me,
it is always chilly.

I don’t want your help,
because I don’t care for you.

I want you far away from me.
You cause me stress.

Anything received due to
your influence—
is false.

It is ill-gotten.

I wish to receive nothing
that you have to offer.

#poetry

Maybe I’ve just been
trying to be Lou Reed
this entire time.

#poetry

But, it’s still there.

Because, it works fine,
but it’s just ugly.

#poetry

It doesn’t fit there
the way I want it to,
and that’s why I don’t like it.

But, I’ve realized that
I don’t like anyway
that it fits into place.

Because,
it’s always ragged.

It never is perfect,
that’s why I don’t like it.

I figured it out—
you’re only there to
inspire me.

I was never supposed
to like you.

#poetry

I fear that I’ll run out
of things to say.

I fear that she’s not
good enough for me.

I feel misunderstood by her.

I am too far rotted to
be healed by her.

My mind is gone,
but it’s gone to her.

I fear that she can’t
even help me.

#poetry

So that he could dwell
in solitude and never be
heard of again.

He let himself go.
His body as misshapen
as his mind was warped.

He was beautiful once.
Now, you would never know.

#poetry