Zac Showers

Telling me the truth, that there are millions of people worse off than I, does not make me feel better; it makes me feel worse

Capitalism may suck, but at least it lets everyone know exactly how much they are worth to their society

down to the penny

If I had enough money to afford therapy I wouldn’t fucking need therapy

I am so tired of being embarrassed all the time

Florida is Pride Rock if Ed had opposable thumbs and a gun

titans of industry

Say what you want about kids these days and their slang, but I LOVE the term “brainrot.”

Was my genX ass ever this self-aware?

everybody hates on the American South

and yet y’all keep moving here

This is a new image from #JWST.

The bright points with spikes are stars in the Milky Way.

Everything else is a galaxy.

Everything. Else. Is. A. Galaxy.

Is there a college-aged white man in America that isn’t an insufferable douchebag?

Has there ever been one?

The term coined is 'sadopopulism'. Another person put it:
'50% of the American people are happy to live under a bridge in a box cooking a rat on a stick, so long as their neighbors don't have a box, a rat or a stick.'

But when we got home, Lucy stuck to her story

She yelled at Rockso “Bad Rockso! Bad dog pooped my pants!”

What relevance this story has to current events is anybody’s guess

One time when Lucy was around two, she pooped her pants in the car

I said “Lucy, did you poop your pants!”

“No Daddy,” said Lucy, “Rockso did it”

“Rockso pooped your pants?”

“Yes Rockso pooped my pants”

Rockso is a dog and was not even in the car

If you’re so smart, why ain’t you rich?

If I’m so smart, why ain’t I rich?

English is a profoundly stupid language

woke is when stuff costs less

I’m a Gator, so go Gators

I’ve never preached or given a homily, but I have often tried to teach a book to a room full of people that didn’t read it

so I get it

spectacular

I have tariffed
the penguins
that are on
Heard Island

and which
you were probably
assuming
did not export goods

forgive me
they were taking advantage of us
so cunning
and so cold

Oh, absolutely. Why would we not be frantically saving up for our next ambulance ride?

doing stuff for free over here just gets you homeless

I grew up a Jew in the south and was regularly told I was going to hell by smiling people who genuinely thought they were doing me a favor. They were helping me. They were giving me a chance.

Hard to be American these days when the whole world is roasting us but we can’t say anything back because everything they say is true

can confirm

For every racist Boomer that dies of old age, the internet creates approximately 1.68 new incels, which is unfortunately above replacement level

can’t win

no winning to be done

Hey, y’all, I got five of my Lyft stories published in the latest issue of the Apalachee Review. Y’all should totally buy a copy:

www.apalacheereview.org

If I had remained a high school teacher in 2003 instead of trying to do all this extra horseshit, I’d be retired right now

Knight Rider, I am sorry to say, is woke

Just look up the kind of car they let Hasslehoff drive

The Wiggles are based