anoetic

listen: to have the power of social media is to shape social reality and thus politics as such. either you accept that responsibility in a graceful way or you retreat into a suburban “be nice to me” mentality — to whit, bsky will fail.

i yearn for smaller scale forums again, the benevolent dictators of small spaces who make no excuses for their terror. large scale social media is a trap and always has been the way towards genocide and misery, the extremely human way.

what’s funny is the torrent of abuse the bsky team is facing is precisely the consequence of having an unfiltered experience of the internet, which is perhaps sometimes exactly what is desired by the ravenous hordes but is never acceptable to a certain temperament, a certain class

The ghosts of my many abandoned and betrayed ancestors haunt me and I gotta feed them without literally joining them.

I have known I’m sick my whole life, and I have only really in the last couple years really been trying to get better, to pull at the gunk and cut into the psychological debt.

In my current state, I simply wish I had drank the antifreeze in 2018 or so.

Now, as my ex-spouse moves out in a particularly final way and my heart retches, a decade later and certainly I suppose I have things to show for it, but motherfucker this hurts.

I found my journal from a decade ago, and in it I was just about as sad and desperately lonely as I am now, just as emotionally confused if not moreso, more resentful. This only really improved once I had gotten anti-depressants, at which point my journal ended and I moved in with my fiancee.

i’m getting a little notebook to write in instead of posting journal entries on the internet

and i’m considering radically changing how i try to be in contact with others through electronic means so that it’s both more effective and less needlessly stressful

american century of humiliation

Elements of my life and being are dying or dead. Necessary shifts are in progress. There’s grief and terror, fictional deities manifest, the awakening of spirits.

to resign myself purely to “fate will have her way” is to let my soul perish

to say instead that purpose and fate are larger than me, move through me and everyone — somehow that feels different. an element of peace. Is it the anaesthetic of a predator or true? i cannot know.

One must remember that online, some of the people most likely to write responses are also those who have not bothered to think about what they will write, whose responses are a kind of vomit. Impulsive, reactive, and without substance.

Your art is beautiful and I understood what you wrote.

oh wait it’s two months of chastity I forgot

motherfucker

I’m sworn to chastity for the next month due to having had some revision surgery to correct errant plumbing and such, and ever since the 1 week mark my clit has just been like
Hey

Hey

Hey

Hey. Hey!

thank you for the reminder, honestly

Endings, collapse, disorientation — greed and cruelty grinding up of the weak and gentle.

“Is this what the 70s were like?” I wonder

“Is this what the author of the book of Revelations was experiencing?”

“Is this what Andrei Tarkovsky, making Stalker, was feeling?”

you are making a demon machine and you’re surprised there’s demons in it?

what’s even the goddamn point of anything

what i’d give for a hint of good news

sending my whole paycheck to Games Workshop, call that my Warhammer 401k

i wish i could hurl the earth into the sun

A != A is probably the most human thing in the world and it’s so deeply aggravating.

This is exactly why I hate people lol

When you ask someone how they separate out the good ideas from the bad they’ll tell you It Just Works because They Have the Good Brain that does the Science and Logic Correctly by directly perceiving Reality— the explanation for the mess of society is that Those Idiots Have the Bad Stupid Brains.

phew

People want everything to be a binary between dooming and “we’re so back” but I’ll just say this is both a really troubling attack on press freedom and an open admission that your regime is fragile enough to feel threatened by Jimmy fucking Kimmel

it’s true

look out for the fnords

I’m basically just trying to show her two things: 1. it’s not “both sides” evenly, but very asymmetric in a very dangerous way 2. trans people ought to be able to live *as such* and should not be persecuted by the government.