If I say "hey this tastes awful you gotta try this" it is the equivalent of me doing a little fancy dance like a bird of paradise. But like in a friendship way.

Had about 80% of a panic attack yesterday in the car and was sitting there and a small self aware part of me was like "god I wish I wasn't listening to the Barbie My Scene Jammin' in Jamaica soundtrack for this."

"maybe this time will be different"

"what if you were anxious AND you had a stomach ache."

I keep walking towards things, remember comfort eating doesn't actually help, walking back to my desk. I have been in this loop all day.

We were supposed to start a meeting 45 minutes ago and the waiting mode is starting to cause me physical pain

"the true horror of this is constantly being trapped in the in-between, always waiting and travelling and being between spaces." Yeah, yeah, we all have ADHD, you're not special.

RIP people who are killed by eldritch horrors but I'm different.

I would go to measure the abyss and drop the damn tape measure and then look for another one then get distracted and finish my dishes.

I would go into the five minute hallway and then go "ah fuck I forgot my headphones" and jog back.

The concept of House of Leaves is especially funny to me because I think if I noticed my house's dimensions didn't make sense, or a new room existed, I would just forget about it or assume I forgot about it or I would intend to double check it and forget it again.

Jarrad you are a goddamn genius

Road sign, two directions: "doing what you need to do", and "doing what you want to do", car underneath between the two directions upside down and on fire, "ADHDers somehow doing neither"

Help

my gut bacteria and eyelash mites are just extremophiles. like flamingoes.

I haven't gotten a UTI or a mosquito bite or a tick in years and I like to think it's because I drink so many energy drinks that my body is just acidic and toxic like some kind of fantasy swamp

Someone at work says "someone is going to have the fact check this" and my entire body stiffens like I'm a scent hound.

I sent myself a link to something on messenger, or at least I thought I did, but it's not there and now I'm worried I sent that to a group chat or something and I am HAUNTED

Fun fact: I only managed to get the hang of the redacting software we use once I realised it functions the same as using fireball in Pathfinder: Kingmaker.

One of my favourite genres of joke is the "As a dietician, here's ten things I don't eat. Number one: uranium."

I feel so Australian right now.

"This is such a fuckin' trope, a classic D.C. political advisor bro starting a tequila company? It's so stereotypical."

.....it is?!

Man who was it who had those paper letters in a tree at a party that said "youse all". That was so good.

A thing I am salty about is that we have to use official redacted software but redacting stuff through MSPaint seems faster and More effective and then it gets CRISPY

The proliferation of kidnapping romance is so funny to me. Man, none of us want to go to work, huh?

"If you want me to be scared of my own reflection, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that."

Love the concept that in Doom 3, the hallucinations are demons trying to drive Doomguy mad and corrupt him. Which is also funny if you accept the fan canon that Doomguy is a transman, so he looks in the mirror and is like "huh, my face is melting, but hey, no tits still! Nice."

Worst part of polyamory is that my partner's sometimes bond by teasing me about my flaws I refuse to change. Best part is multiple people to put my cold hands on.

Every single young Australian would need to order 4,888 t-shirts from Temu each year (13 per day) to match Woodside's current emissions.

And to reach Woodside's maximum emissions estimates for the North West Shelf Extension? They would each need to order 214,571 t-shirts. #woodsideenergy

I think if you get a really low score on the narcissist quiz it should automatically say you're a narcissist because I feel like the average person is going to get a low/middle score, whereas I think narcissists would be like "I AM so generous! I could NEVER think I am more attractive than I am!"

You call me woke and yet I STRUGGLE to get out of bed EVERY morning