Jon Beard

I don't even care about basketball, and yet I apparently know more about the Dallas Mavericks than Nico Harrison does.

"Completely incoherent nonsense" should be the Trump administration's slogan.

My anecdotal evidence for people who hate mushrooms not really hating mushrooms is that they've only ever had button mushrooms, which are objectively terrible.

Too many people believe right-wing media lies, and the rest of the media is too afraid to stand up and tell truth to power, couching things in both-sides-isms.

Susie Dent coming in with the linguistics shade once again.

At this point, I just assume all right-wing politicians are criminally corrupt because it saves time.

Is it bad because it looks at least 50lbs lighter than he really is? Its skin isn't nearly as baby-shit brown as the makeup he cakes on? You can't see any ghost-white scalp through its comb-over?

I don't get it. It's honestly pretty flattering compared to the real thing.

Sadly, "paying attention" and "doing something to prevent" are two very different things when it comes to this court.

Don't worry, Unibroue makes some incredible Belgian-style ales, and they're based in *checks notes* ...

Oh. Quebec. Shit.

I wish people would stop dumping their trash in the ocean

Putin already owns Mar-a-Lardo.

Well they already know each other so well from their times together on Epstein Island, so it only makes sense.

Never have I seen a man so fervently wish a couch would swallow him whole.

Well, aside from Vance, but that's only for a little part of him.

Given all he's "good" for is tweeting scripture, did we expect anything else from him? Trump's people are appointed for their obsequiousness, not their competence.

Looks like a grey version of our current foster Shaheen. Markings on the face almost perfectly line up

Mump is surely more fitting.

I hate that the article contains a tweet with video of her clearly in distress. I realize that it's being televised, but for fucks sake, sharing that is unnecessary (not your fault, obvs)

I mean, I think this meeting could have been kept to an email, but you're the boss.

Concepts of thoughts and prayers for the latest victim of the face-eating leopards party.

Personally, I think we moved into constitutional crisis territory when a convicted felon was allowed to run for president.

Nandor, meet Lazlo

Get in the car, and Meat Loaf is throwing shade at the Chiefs from beyond the grave.

I thought The Onion posted satire, not facts?

Ramping up to? That implies that they aren't already doing that...

We're six years into the first month of his term and I am EXHAUSTED.

He's more of a Denethor. Architect of much that is wrong with his country, and only realizing he miiiiiiight have fucked when it's too late to do anything but throw himself off a great height

a group of men are watching a chicago bulls vs miami heat basketball game ALT: a group of men are watching a chicago bulls vs miami heat basketball game

Them: "A cop shot someone during a traffic stop."

Them: "It was a J6er."

Me:

Word of day is ‘unasinous’ (17th century): united in stupidity.

A riff on ‘unanimous’: which comes from the Latin for ‘one mind’. ‘Unasinous’ means ‘one ass’.

We used to hang Nazis, not allow them to speak at inaugurations. I for one believe the only good Nazi is a dead Nazi.