pressed lemon 🍋

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride of Frankenstein wandering the musty halls of a Gothic mansion looking absolutely stunning in a white satin ballgown paired with matching silk pumps and a diamanté clutch bag.

Something very magical about setting up Santa’s mischief for my 3-year-old nephew with my dad and brother and realizing (now that I’m on this side of things) that the Magic of Christmas is actually just a ton of people who love you working hard to bring you joy with no ego about taking credit for it

Dear Santa,
You didn’t get me the thesaurus I asked for and now I’m mad. You made me really mad. I’m mad at you

invite jesus for a threesome, call it a hole-y trinity

album cover for john coltrane's blue train where he's got a reed or something in his mouth, but it looks like he's hitting a vape or a weed pen

bro is rippin' a fat blinker

Once again, my haters have trapped me in a large burlap sack

weirdest thing that came from realizing i have celiac's was that upon recovery it turns out my reflexes are actually Not shit . Where was this when i was a teenager. i could have had sooooo much hackey sack cred but nooooo god had to silent nerf me

OP did not find me funny

forgot about the sunglasses on my head until they fell perfectly into place while saying "diahrrea medication" to the pharmacist

i respect the hummingbirds fighting over their feeder so much. it’s like if a guy stood around a 10,000 gallon tanker of Sprite that got replenished every two days and when ever someone else got near he’d walk right up and punch them in the face

in these trying times i ask you all to remember that at the end of the day, i am so unserious

I b in the hole like

yet another case of so-called feminists thinking the existance of "toxic masculinity" is an excuse to ridicule transmasculine dysphoria. exposing/using long johns' deadname is not "funny", he doesnt just "not like it", he has expressed s**c*dal ideation in my DMs bc of this bullying. Enough of this

Now honey, mommy is giving you her undivided attention

Is she hot

Cold outside sarah palin was right

and what about the islands huh

YouTube comment section exchange between "darkshadow99-ny2ct" and "LugiatheOceanGuardian". @darkshadow says Why are zoomers like this? @Lugia says why are we like what huh? Inquisitive? Inquiring? Explorers? @darkshadow Scared of bugs and glitches

minecraft youtube is really the gift that keeps on giving

(DM) justiceandor.bsky.social @justiceandor.bsky.social Today at 1:35 PM Hey how would you feel if $5000 was deposited on your cashapp this from a private charity and what will you be do with the money ? 1:35 PM (MY REPLY) wow ok great question. i guess i would probably buy either a jewel encrusted ceremonial dagger or 4000 beers

A very large brown bear sits in a rapidly flowing river, his back up against a mossy rock wall. Water is dripping from his chin.

Today's bear is 602. 602 is an adult male around 11 years old, and he gets so fat he looks more like a mountain than a bear. 602 doesn't hold a place in the dominance hierarchy because he only spends time at Brooks River in the fall, and the big boys mostly ignore him.

chatting shit? come&get a look at my approximately 66 followers made up of an indeterminable amount of AI cloutbots.. suddenly soundin real quiet luv xx

An orange and white cat appears annoyed. As if people are asking him questions at 3:30 pm on december 20.

stop sending him emails with action items. he does not want them. and god help you if there's a meeting request in there.

where was peter piper finding this pickled pepper tree anyway

How could Joe Rogan be propaganda? He smokes weed

A mariachi band, including two trumpeters, a violinist, and two guitarists around a dog in a pink dress. The caption reads “my rich friend threw a quinceañera for his dog.”

I won’t tell anyone if i win the lottery, but there will be signs.

A flash photo of two hunters in camo holding the limp body of a bear over a log with a quiver of arrows resting against it. The bear is labeled "capricorn", the hunters "reluctance to commit" and "prioritization of work above all else", and the arrows "obligation to others".

A photo of a woman mid-scream as a camel latches onto the upper half of the side of her head from cheek to crown. The woman is labeled "virgo", the camel "need for validation", "compulsive bitching", and "neuroticism".

A flash photo of a woman in a restaurant holding a plate, clearly horrified as a slice of cake slides off and toward her lap. The woman is labeled "taurus", the cake "creature comforts", and the plate "responsibility".

the signs as moments before disaster: earth edition #astrology #taurus #capricorn #virgo

A flash photo of the inside of a carpeted home bedroom. A goat leaps toward a woman, who is mid jump as she screams and flails her arms. The goat is labeled "aries", its horns labeled "processing all strong emotions as anger", the carpet beneath them "instant gratification", and the woman "starting petty arguments".

A flash photo of a campground with onlookers gawking as a man tumbling off his bicycle, inches from falling into a burning fire pit. The man is labeled "sagittarius", the bicycle "being oblivious", the gawkers "need for validation", and the firepit "restless sense of unfilfilment".

A woman hovers facedown toward the asphault, clearly having come out of the seat of a swing that hangs mid-air behind her. The woman is labeled "leo", the swing is labeled "fragile ego", the air between the woman and the asphault "overcommitment", and the asphault "inevitable explosive fallout".

the signs as moments before disaster: fire edition #astrology #leo #sagittarius #aries

Amazon workers in the International Brotherhood of Teamsters union are striking across the country.

Workers at an Amazon warehouse in San Francisco, California, and six delivery stations in southern California, New York City; Atlanta, Georgia, and Skokie, Illinois have walked out.

Eff Bezos.