hyacinth ✨

LITERALLYYYY.

PLEASE GOD. sometime s i think they can be right by accident

TYSM yeah agree it would probably be type 2 (lest i get hospitalized someday), i researched ages ago but would prob have to do more reading. i appreciate you i think we should vaporize mental illness

i only even came here to say my anxiety has been crazy the past day or so i guess just because of con stuff and social anxiety. idk. Its ok guys

im liyterally at a point where im like i CANNOT have any more mental illnesses i refuse. no more to balance please. but also denial is not how literally anything works,

i think i was awake for at least 26 or 28 hours the other day ITS KIND OF BAD but also my depression is so severe at other points even with medication. and without any reason in any direction. whagever

ok look i was adamantly against being screened for bipolar b/c i was adamant i got mis-dxed iwth it at intake because of misogyny and general whatever. on the other hand it probably likely would be hypomania to make me lock in and do a single task obsessively for 16+ hours at random

they gave me the cognitive soup that makes me generally kind of useless as an individual but can lock in every once in a blue moon. But watch out

lukewarm liberals will mock you for daring to even be trans in texas as if people have a choice, or not even considering that people may have their reasons for wanting to live in a state without having to fear for their general safety lol. Life Freaking Sucks

but hey, dems are too pussy to play by the same rulebook & most of america are too bombarded w terrible news to even be conscious of most of the things taking place, esp on state levels where it only pertains to certain groups. how much can you scream how illegal it is when nothing happens

^ relevant on both federal and state levels btw, tx's attorney general deciding he can refuse gender marker change orders is a complete usurping of judicial authority as well as the voiding of previously amended drivers licenses/birth certs. cannot stress how dangerous even outside of trans rights

most meaningful progressive change (offhandedly) within the past 20 years has been 1) obamacare [retrospectively gutted], and 2) scotus gay marriage ruling which we expect to get struck as soon as there's an opportunity. we can just ignore 14th amendment nowadays & court orders mean nothing

not sure how to phrase eloquently but i do think that juxtaposing more progressive bills of the 20th century vs absolute inaction of congress in the 21st century just underscores how resistant to change the US is and how there's not really any reform that can reasonably take place here

like obv it's stupid to sit here and claim there was ever actual democracy with the systems in place that oppose it but the progression in such a short amnt of time is indicative that there will be no return to normalcy even with trump+cronies out of the picture, there'll just be someone else

like i think we are very blatantly butting up against the question of "what happens when the exec branch completely ignores the other two branches of government" and there have been zero consequences whatsoever, esp with notorious scotus ruling that there are no personal penalties to pres

every threat up until this point has been reverted within a day basically so it's possible this will still happen and it will be okay. we even have bipartisan legislation in congress to put checks and balances on trade war. but its among the most blatant autocratic actions thus far

ig a silver lining may be that world leaders forge stronger ties outside the US esp with perceived incompetence + aggression, but even if other countries ultimately benefit long-term there's so much harm esp to lower income americans who are Unable to emigrate

cannot stress enough if this isn't instantly reverted we are going to see hard times worse than imaginable + especially wrt highest tariffs in SEA where a majority of our clothing and even technology is manufactured. ppl living paycheck to paycheck will not survive this

4am so i don't want to put text walls in discord servers but i'm just absolutely depressed at the state of the US politically + im not sure that my peers who pay less attention to current events understand just how badly tariffs are going to tank quality of life in america

sorry i have to clarify every nuance of what i say for fear of misinterpretation. surely this cannot signify larger issues

ALSO PLWASE LEARN WHAT BOOBS LOOK LIKE IF YOURE A R18 ARTIST YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE

idk how to phrase that better im trying to be vague out of #respect but trust me bro

nothing bad obviously but theres a certain category of like barely-concealed-horny art style w childrens media that's a pet peeve to me NOT EVEN in a moral way it just looks bad and amateurish. ok. ok

manjfesting an option to turn off rts from certain people b/c i feel so bad having to mute genuinely, but also some people jusr have abysmal taste in what they rt 😭😭

some people are really good at paragraphs of text soup like my eyes just glaze over instantly. they should offer a degree in this talent

scrolled through main tl briefly and said "shut up" internally to at least 3 to 4 different posts ahhh i lovr social media

i feel really lucky for having the amount of connections and support network that i do, so on a rational level i tell myself things will always work out, but its really scary to have to make this leap all the same

its pretty hard not to feel absolutely worthless though and like ill never land a job b/c my gpa is too shit and not enough extracurriculars. the issue is that i literally Need to land a job b/c of legislation in tx. i really need to get out .

ngl ive felt extremely bad about myself these past few months for failing to do this. but its been really hard in the face of professional attire being trans + all the legal bullshit ive had to face, but rly its mostly just the executive dysfunction... but anxiety from the former makes that worse

finally got a couple job apps out the door . going to lock in for real shortly but i really need to be writing a cover letter for everything (even if only tweaking) so its a lot