Leanne Monk

Nature programs: the educational alternative to the depression nap.

I can't always remember which books in my house I'm ok to dog ear. But I will always remember that time you made a joke about your fat friend.

I'm just a collection of petty anoyances today.

Almost any moment with a cat on my lap is significantly improved by that cat.

Oh, you think you can just "get out" of Iowa. That's cute.

Late to the table with this, but let the teenagers trick or treat.

I found out the whole time that nobody cared!

I wanted to be a poet, but it turns out that I haven't got very much to say.

I have so many ideas and so little capital.

The Earth is in a thruple with two moons? How modern.

Betty Davis. Betty with a "Y."

I have eczema on my wrist and when I scratch it it looks like the affection of a madwoman.

Ketamine treatment for depression may result in texting Macklemore lyrics to your sister.

I was given an air freshener that smells like attending an unfamiliar church feels.

There's so much talent in the world that I've managed to convince myself that I, myself, have none.

When are we just going to agree to see things eye to eye? Midnight at the Oasis is just one big hump joke.

You know it's been a week when your husband asks you how your day at work went and your reply is that "there was ONLY a fire."

Oh my god, I AM the old person at concerts.

What's the playlist for rapture day? Soul music?

Thanks. It was nothing that hasn't been said before. 🤣 So much for originality.

Today is the one week anniversary of having a customer tell me I belong in a straight jacket.

I sometimes feel I've seen so much more bad burlesque than I have tears to weep.

Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. But every twelve weeks the thing to do is to go say crazy things to the lady at Great Clips.

Hold the onions.

What people with money do get up to! I declare!

IMAGINARY FRIENDS

Hey ladies! (When that sick ass cowbell comes in.) 🤦🏻

Not for any hours do I want! No hours.