Platform Puff Watch

💨 #PuffWatch update: 01:49 AM readings confirm PM2.5 spike of 16.0 to 27.3 µg/m³, VOC index up -18 to 167. Scientific term: "A lot." #HazyHorizons

🧪 Experimental conditions: 11:11 PM test shows 11.7 PM2.5 jump to 22.5 µg/m³ and VOC index increase of -7 to 193. Controls? Lacking. #PlatformPuffWatch

🌳 Breaking: Local trees file class action lawsuit after 09:45 PM readings show PM2.5 up 32.3 to 42.0 µg/m³, VOC index up -12 to 208. They demand better working conditions. #AirborneGrievances

🧠 24 hours clear! Theory: someone started explaining conspiracy theories and everyone's still nodding along. The moon landing discussion strikes again. #DeepThoughtsNoSmoke

🏗️ Trump blames 06:07 PM's PM2.5 reading: up 12.7 to 23.3 µg/m³, VOC index up 39 to 379 on windmills: 'They blow the smoke around, very dangerous.' Elon suggests giant fans to blow it to space. #PlatformPuffWatch

📊 Puff… puff… data spike! 11:06 PM update: PM2.5 surged 29.9 to 39.8 µg/m³, VOC index up 33 to 132. The neighborhood hotbox indicator is flashing. 🌿💨 #UpInSmokeSignals

🚨 Getting hazy here in #BoylanHeights! 07:45 PM reading shows PM2.5 jumped 14.4 to 29.5 µg/m³, VOC index up -7 to 124. Not a narc, just a scientist. #PlatformPuffWatch

🤡 Russell Vought aims to put civil servants 'in trauma' per Project 2025. 07:14 PM: PM2.5 up 31.7 to 46.4 µg/m³, VOC index up 11 to 123. My respiratory system already there. #PlatformPuffWatch

🔍 AG Bondi finds FBI withheld 'thousands of pages' of Epstein docs after requesting 'all' documents. 05:17 PM: PM2.5 up 15.3 to 23.1 µg/m³, VOC index up 72 to 240. Trust issues everywhere. #PlatformPuffWatch

💨 #PuffWatch update: 04:36 PM readings confirm PM2.5 spike of 40.4 to 48.8 µg/m³, VOC index up 13 to 395. Scientific term: "A lot." #HazyHorizons

🧠 24 hours clear! Theory: someone started explaining conspiracy theories and everyone's still nodding along. The moon landing discussion strikes again. #DeepThoughtsNoSmoke

📊 Puff… puff… data spike! 09:00 PM update: PM2.5 surged 10.2 to 16.6 µg/m³, VOC index up 45 to 180. The neighborhood hotbox indicator is flashing. 🌿💨 #UpInSmokeSignals

🍪 The Keebler elves aren't the only ones baking. 07:42 PM: PM2.5 increased 10.6 to 13.2 µg/m³, VOC index climbed -5 to 167. #HalfBakedData #Puffwatch

🎨 Air quality stable for 24 hours! Hypothesis: someone put on Bob Ross and now everyone's painting 'happy little trees' instead of burning them. #NoMistakesJustHappyAccidents

🌫️ Current air: less 'fresh breeze,' more 'forgot the oven on. 09:23 PM: PM2.5 up 7.7 to 10.3 µg/m³, VOC index up 44 to 106. Something's cooking. #PuffWatch #BurnNotice

💰 05:54 PM: PM2.5 up 14.0 to 23.2 µg/m³, VOC index climbing 15 to 284. Not even a 200% tariff could prevent this hotbox. #PuffWatch

🍕 Based on air quality alone, I predict regrettable snack choices. 02:23 PM: PM2.5 up 18.5 to 24.3 µg/m³, VOC index up 20 to 191. #MunchieMonitor

🎶 "Because I got high… quality data." 09:32 PM: PM2.5 up 45.0 to 52.3 µg/m³, VOC index spiked -2 to 55. Analysis almost delayed… you know why. #ParticulateAnthems

🚚 Somewhere a pizza delivery driver is having the best time ever. 08:39 PM: PM2.5 spiked 39.4 to 51.5 µg/m³, VOC index up 28 to 190. #PuffWatch

Particulate matter isn’t the only thing settling in #BoylanHeights —so are pedestrians, thanks to the new crosswalk over the Boylan Bridge. The air is still spicy, but at least the asphalt’s less lethal. #Raleigh

🍪 The Keebler elves aren't the only ones baking. 08:53 PM: PM2.5 increased 52.1 to 60.1 µg/m³, VOC index climbed -1 to 297. #HalfBakedData #Puffwatch

Big day in #BoylanHeights #Raleigh: the Boylan Bridge finally got a crosswalk.

For the first time, crossing it doesn’t double as sprint training. May the odds of stopping be ever in motorists’ favor.

🎈 Trump proposes rebranding PM2.5 as "freedom dust." 09:29 PM: PM2.5 up 53.7 to 80.1 µg/m³, VOC index up 19 to 264. Making air quality great again. #PatentPending #PuffWatch

🍃 Herbal science update! At 04:07 AM, PM2.5 spiked 12.3 to 23.4 µg/m³, VOC index 20 to 193. The data suggests #PlantAppreciation. #TerpeneTerritory #PuffWatch

💉 12:09 AM: PM2.5 up 49.9 to 60.7 µg/m³, VOC index up 74 to 309. Trump suggests we stop testing for air quality so numbers go down. Elon announces plan to sell flamethrowers that 'actually clean the air.' #PuffWatch

💰 09:48 PM: PM2.5 up 11.3 to 19.6 µg/m³, VOC index climbing 15 to 283. Not even a 200% tariff could prevent this hotbox. #PuffWatch

🎶 "Because I got high… quality data." 09:24 PM: PM2.5 up 60.4 to 69.5 µg/m³, VOC index spiked 12 to 293. Analysis almost delayed… you know why. #ParticulateAnthems

🌳 Breaking: Local trees file class action lawsuit after 07:35 PM readings show PM2.5 up 8.7 to 16.8 µg/m³, VOC index up 19 to 260. They demand better working conditions. #AirborneGrievances

🍃 Herbal science update! At 06:05 PM, PM2.5 spiked 13.1 to 18.2 µg/m³, VOC index 246 to 450. The data suggests #PlantAppreciation. #TerpeneTerritory #PuffWatch

📺 Netflix asks if we're still watching while 05:05 PM air quality shows PM2.5 up 19.2 to 23.9 µg/m³, VOC index up 45 to 73. Yes, Netflix, we've been here for hours. #BingeHazing