Andy, who is a werewolf bar mitzvah DJ

Short men are so hot.

I wish I lived in a country where there were consequences for public officials getting caught lying to us.

I want this to bomb so hard.

Big hugs. This is the worst.

He's hot, but he's hot hot enough to be this dull

public officials shouldn't lie

"too much" is not on objective measure. The only "too much" that's relevant is your own personal measure. Personally, I think it's sweet that you acknowledge your large platform and use it to uplift others who are vulnerable enough to post themselves.

a cat dressed in a pirate costume is holding a screwdriver . ALT: a cat dressed in a pirate costume is holding a screwdriver .

There's only one way I'm watching this movie.

Just a reminder about Scream 7

#DaysOfOurLives I'm so sour on the whole Horton family right now. Everyone is so excited to have sex trafficker and abuser Jeremy back but Cat is unforgivable. What Jeremy did was worse than what Cat did, but Jeremy did it to other people and Cat wronged the Hortons so now it's everyone's problem.

Burn it all down is what they did with the goodwill of the fandom!

Guys, it's in his bio. No need to rummage for receipts. Just unfollow or block.

Is that one of those xenophobic "that civilization was too advanced to be real and only England could have had an empire like that" kind of things?

It doesn't require AI to make shit up. I could rewrite the history of Rome right now, but nobody is writing articles about me.

Totally worth it!

It's amazing how much less anxiety I feel on a day to day basis when arguing isn't part of my social media experience.

I want to go so badly, but I'm out of town the weekend he's coming to my town 😭

If Lilly Allen tours with this album, the show will be more of a musical than a concert

His tour this year is called Christmas in December

Poster for Matt Rogers Christmas special called Have You Heard of Christmas

Matt hosts Las Culturistas with Bowen Yang but is also a Christmas diva.

Thank you!

Omitting a shirt

Apparently heartburn is a symptom of a new medication I'm on and it's proving to be resistant to my regular daily heartburn medicine and Tums and Pepto. What do you do when you have heartburn you can't get rid of?

Post something 90s

I used to think I knew what "ceasefire" meant. I guess I was wrong.

We're they nice, though?

And Matt Rogers

Yes, I agree and I know that. And one focus group asking that question would help them know that too.

It's okay! I chugged some Pepto and got some food!

I didn't eat breakfast so now I have heartburn.

I have heartburn so now I don't want to eat lunch.

Guess I'll just die.