The Horseshoe Party UK 🦄🧲🥳🇬🇧🇮🇪🗺️🏳️‍🌈🇵🇸🇺🇦☯️

It's a bit odd having this many followers.
I feel a mix of things. It's nice overall.
I also feel a bit of pressure at times.
The pressure to entertain with ideally making people LOL when I'm able to.
The pressure of trying to not say anything extra & unfunny & stupid, nor lead anyone down bad roads

It's an odd thing to say & try get people to understand if they haven't experienced it:
Suddenly being in bed is comfortable again more than not. Sometimes properly or else just a bit of pain & discomfort.
Over a year of even resting in bed or trying to sleep feeling like torture has finally stopped

I don't have a good explanation why. All I can think is altering how I use BSky & constantly working on my mental health has helped.
No more obsessing over the USA or other horror shows, merely paying attention.
Not like I can do anything about it.
Less energy wasted, less stress, less inflammation

Puzzling over how much better my Fibromyalgia is at the moment. Not cured but significantly better.
I actually have hope of getting a life again now after over a year of fatigued misery.
Sleep actually does something.
I can walk further and faster.
More moments of nearly no pain or none. Interesting

It really is! It's still weird how much better my fibromyalgia is at the moment. Not cured by any means but not completely ruining my life anymore.
That's something to be glad of.
That sleeping actually does something now when it used to make nearly no difference, for a year or two. Very interesting

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, they grow strong.
Churchill.
I think the original intent of the quote was about the British Empire standing separate from Europe @ the time.
I think of it another way:
Trees need other trees to help them grow.
Ones that grow alone are strong, but warped.
Like me.

Yet it helps my remaining sanity to know I'm not the only odd one.
That every single person is odd in their own way.
That we all have weird thoughts at times.
That we are possibly the weirdest thing in the known universe.

All are lunatics but he who can analyse his delusions is called a Philosopher

Ta. Well all I can do today is go back to sleep shortly so I probably will.

I've long wondered what their malfunction is. Things never used to be so bad like this until the last 5 years.
I don't think I'll ever know & it'll stress me out trying to figure out what & trying to sort it.
Else there's a horrible possibility this is very early personality changes from Dementia?🤷🏻‍♂️😳

It'd be better if they were obviously cruel @ such times, I'd just ignore them or even have cut them out years ago but it's always a case of try boss me about even politely, NEVER just listen.
While acting as though they genuinely believe they're being helpful & that therefore I'm being unreasonable

Evening all. Had a bit of a sleep. Feeling much better mentally but still very physically tired. Probably going back to sleep shortly.
My main lesson from today is I'm NEVER trying to talk to my parents again about my past if my mind's starting to melt. For whatever reason they ALWAYS make it worse.

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A more positive way of looking @ it is both parents maybe have their own issues with their own parents. They did ok.
My mum growing up in what we'd call poverty today with her Irish immigrant father mentally & physically broken by WW2.
My dad's parents divorcing when that was scandal back in the day

Yet it helps my remaining sanity to know I'm not the only odd one.
That every single person is odd in their own way.
That we all have weird thoughts at times.
That we are possibly the weirdest thing in the known universe.

All are lunatics but he who can analyse his delusions is called a Philosopher

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, they grow strong.
Churchill.
I think the original intent of the quote was about the British Empire standing separate from Europe @ the time.
I think of it another way:
Trees need other trees to help them grow.
Ones that grow alone are strong, but warped.
Like me.

Things I like:

Lifting 2 child cap
Min Wage uplifts
Gambling tax
Surcharge on £2m+ houses
Salary sacrifice cap
EV road charges (they use roads)
£400m clawed back in COVID payments (more plz)
Borrowing will be down
Markets happy
More Russian sanctions (Farage?)
Energy ⬇️
And more

To look at it another way:
Deep down it must be horrible 4 them 2 know they sent me 2 such a horrific school.
One that covered up colossal incompetence & how out of control we all were @ minimum that was almost certainly Paedogeddon.
That they worked so hard it screwed up raising me well as possible

The worst part is, I KNOW she thinks she means well.
So much so she cannot be told she's doing it wrong.
Even politely criticising her for BACKFIRING means I'm being mean and nasty according to her.
There is no reasoning with her.
To try drives me insane.
So I avoid her when stuff like this happens🤷🏻‍♂️

After much effort, I've got my head more screwed on. I don't think I could've if my mum didn't take doggo to the shops with her, so I'm glad of that.
I'm absolutely drained every possible way though.
How stupid. Yet again it didn't need to be like this.
I was ok this morning and now the day's wasted

So things are generally better these days. I can forgive a lot because they really are good people. I wouldn't tolerate any of it if they weren't.
Just when they BACKFIRE, ALWAYS with the worst possible timing, when my mind is already starting to melt, again and again, it properly fries my head more

Another one was:

Me: I'm moving back out, it's time. Being here isn't good for me.

My mum: You can't you won't be able to afford it you can't cook.

Me: Ok that's a good point.
Please teach me?

My mum: No you can learn from recipes and videos like I learned from watching & helping my mother!

SMH

Long after that happened, I tried asking my dad about why any of that happened.
According to his clearly never wrong logic, he thought I was lying to get money for weed, because I'd done that before.
In a brand new area, where I didn't know anyone @ all, let alone have any contacts for getting weed🤷🏻‍♂️

5 years ago I asked to borrow £10 until the literal next day to do an adert for my Facebook Page.
I showed them my dole was due to go in on my phone.
That went so badly out of hand they phoned the crisis team yet instead the POLICE arrived.
End result: Doctor shamed by police into lending me the £10

Unintentional Gaslighting: What It Is, Examples, & How to Respond Unintentional gaslighting refers to when someone unintentionally tries to discount or deny your reality to make you feel crazy, confused, or doubt yourself. Traditional gaslighting is a form of psycho...

Now returning to Toxic Positivity and Accidental Gaslighting.
I argue it can be worse. If my parents were obviously completely nasty I would've got away from them years ago.

This constant crap of spectacular backfiring with the worst timing and then refusing to be told has melted my mind for years.

How very interesting. For a change she's spontaneously decided to take doggo with her when she goes shopping.
So, I've now got an actual chance of getting through today without drinking more. I'm gonna try go for it.
I'll forever be baffled by this constant malfunction by both of my parents though?🤷🏻‍♂️

In the circumstances I'm doing well even TRYING to not get beer.

I'm doing well putting much thought in, knowing that my day is getting increasingly funnelled in that direction.
Go for a walk? I'll take myself to the shop.

Stay in? Likely order in especially if doggo starts HOWLING loud for hours.

I know I'm a grown adult constantly talking about reasoning with emotions as I'm learning to do.
It's not quite the same when your own parents are constantly being being emotionally & psychologically abusive victim-blamers, seemingly by accident, ALWAYS when you're on the edge of total PTSD Meltdown

I'm just thankful my closest friends are LISTENING instead of just trying to tell me what to do. Soothes the beast a little.
IDK how I'll get through today.
I can't even try sleep through it because doggo will be howling so loud.
I want to get out of here just to get away from her but I'll get beer.

ThE PoLiCe ShOuLd TeLL CriMiNaLs ThEy'Re iNvEsTiGaTiNg ThAT ThEy'Re BeiNg iNvEsTiGaTeD aNd ThE DeTaiLs Of ThE iNvEsTiGaTiOn

For absolutely no good reason whatsoever, I've been set up for a disaster of a day. I'm going to try my absolute best to stop spiralling.

Just what are you supposed to do when actually lovely parents are STUPID with the worst timing every single time you need them the most or else to not add to it?