silence dogood

Have you met my Italian wife, Derifree Sorbetto ?

Just overheard a group of men refer to having sex as “swording the stone”

[john legend in middle school] I’ll eat that bug for $5!

Letitia James and James Comey have the best lawyers on earth and will almost certainly be fine. The fact that there’s a zillion stories about them and virtually none about NSPM-7 - which affects countless ordinary people - really says something about who the media writes for

Live by the violent rhetoric? Die by the violent rhetoric

Yelp has to be going bankrupt soon, right?

In 24 hours, every brand, celebrity, and person you know will be making the same references to Taylor’s album.

“A Georgia Guy” is something you’ll piece together through context clues after hearing and seeing it ad nauseam for the next month

Really poopood them in high school but been going through a huge Dave’s Matthew Band phase

Irish guy named Frank O’Phile

Sic Semper Dumbasses

Just found out Mark Ronson’s stepdad was the leader of Foreigner?!?!?!?

If you or a loved one were affected by smoke, contact our class action attorneys: 911CompensationFund.com or 911CompensationFund.yeah

If Metallica were from New England, the song would probably be called ‘Doctorate of Puppets’

😍🔥 Arson >>>>>>

Frequent question I get when I talk about police abolition:

“What will we do with the r&pists and murderers?”

Yooo we’re already letting the rich ones get away!!!!!!!!

Once you see the founding fathers as Trump-like (Jefferson came onto Sally Jennings when she was 13; Washington erased native populations) this country makes a lot more sense

GAP should do more ads with hot women!

They’re athletes and suggested the Ginny Sacrimoni scene where she is shamefully eating candy didn’t land - shut da fuck up!

Having an affair (their suggested ending) would be 1000x less interesting than the shame of friends and society !

My stepsister and her husband are watching the Sopranos and keeping me posted (sweet)

Their suggestions for improving it show they lack any understanding of nuance! (Jfc! )

They love my two least favorite episodes 🤪

Some taliban leaders would 1000% defect if they could see and enjoy The Lion King on Broadway

JROTC is indoctrinating our youth! Poor students deserve better opportunities than being cannon fodder for JD Vance

Don’t let a sick ass Trent reznor soundtrack distract you - this is a bad movie and zendaya is a plastic ass person selling plastic ass Smartwater…lame!

I audibly groaned and had a fight with my ex about the movie being straight dogshit

“Challengers” is among the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

Bringing the ball to the racket was a Dora the explorer bullshit callback, yet someone in Cobble Hill Cinemas GASPED when it happened lmao

Like damn - it seemed gross and loud?

Ok……well all us adults are fine with it but go ahead and have a hissy fit you conservative baby

Every adult claiming they don’t like NYC feels like a little kid being a picky eater

We don’t like your dog and we’re thrilled to exclude them from our store

Of course 0nion sports isn’t gonna publish their NFL infographic in time for week one….let everyone get their clicks first when it’s the most trafficked time, then it’s our turn 😎

Trying to s*icide by cop but I live in a progressive city so instead a trained mental health professional shoots me

Every second we generate 1.7MB of data, or as I call it, a breath