📿 amy. 🌊

so I'm just gonna.

*throws the list of names into the bin*

move on and find new friends or appreciate the new ones I have now, and nurture it up. 🫶❤️

been trying to reconnect with old friends this Oct and. I got scolded. Basically, it went:

him: u didn't look for me all those years. i kept waiting for your number to come up but none. be confrontational!

me: wait, you had my number? why not you call me too?

him: BECAUSE IM NOT CONFRONTATIONAL??

this is so delicious, sudo! ❤️ aaaah!

some umamusume of wonder acute and curren chan. planning to post my umamusume doodles mostly on my instagram (same @ as here) because me and my partner love it and it helps my algorithm HAHA

i wonder if i should rush for tennotober? little ink-y sketches if im up for it, after comms. i kinda regret using october as a 'time for a big action such as contacting old friends!' because it's been an Emotionally Confusing and lonely end of Oct.

but got to meet my partner IRL so it's not bad. ❤️

Oh my gosh??!! Hello?! Let's gooo!! 🤝✨ That's so sweet, I'm so happy for you guys! :,3 Sending love and beautiful days for your 4th anniversary and beyond! 💕

God, yep... and aaah, thanks, it's fine now, i feel. Just trying to make sure i don't think other ppl i meet, will be like that. ❤️ cuz i don't want to be like them, always thinking ppl are all the same when they're not.

Ok what the fuckkkk THAT WAS?????? DUDE, ITS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT THAT YOU STILL GOT ANYWAY. WHATS YOUR DEAL. it's not a life or death occasion, bro???
I'm glad they left, but how did u handle that. losing bad seed friends?

holding onto it and not doing anything about it. idk. i think it's just so i can read it over in the future once i gained back my self-esteem and to see if it was truly as bad as ppl that saw it that said it was major bad and that I needed to leave the relationship.

im not holding onto them to make a callout post. i think im just holding them because, at the time, my friends - which was their friends first - silently distanced themselves from me. I was told, "we're not a groupie. we don't move in a herd." but then I lost all my friends to something undiscussed.

and it took me lots of therapy sessions, talking about it and showing the screenshots of the conversations to unbiased friends and my therapist, to see if it was me or them, to understand.
and then it took months for me to unthink if i deserved their anger & sudden 180 of kindness after their anger.

another rant (yes, it's a magical day today):
i still hold onto these screenshots of an ex friend that is a big artist rn, that was verbally abusive and destructive.
my friends were there and saw the whole thing went down. and idk what to do about it.
i keep thinking, "it must be me, right??"

I'm not asking for a gift back or a favor. I just like gift-giving to friends.
And when i say i don't have any agenda, they go "Ppl are always lying. You can benefit a lot from lying." and I just ????????? Ok?? Am I supposed to take that as something sweet?

i kinda regret buying gifts for a lot of IRL friends because the only response I got when i gifted it to them was, "uhhh... Why?? you didn't have to do this. it's weird that you're doing it randomly. thanks, i guess?" and I'm just....... God, why did I stick around for them, after that???

It's baffling me, I've been trying to get in contact with friends but then they pull this number and im like, "ok. I guess. Thanks for being honest??? I don't...... What?????" I swear to God i didnt transform. I just understand myself better thru a professional and now I'm a bit more chipper!??

good morning~ starting the day with a raaaant~ "but we're here for only your art" cool, thx, this ain't a factory.
Anyway, my college mate messaged me after a year and i asked if they wanna hang out, and. I kid you not, she said, "I'm not used to being w/ autistic ppl so best not." and I'm confused.

this is funny to say but im happy i played league of legends. not because it's a good game (+ we left it after knowing more of riot's history and continuous bad decisions) but because i met my partner through it.
2 years now... time flies. 🫶❤️
idk how i found a genuine person in that game, don't ask.

partner bought overcooked 2 to play it with me. it's the quietest kitchen you'll ever enter.

"we're not going to talk about how u had a suicidal meltdown and that u were holding a knife alone in the house, just 2 days ago?"

it's been like that for 10 years for me. therapy and hospital don't mean my meltdowns get more rainbow-y and High School Musical Summertime.

THE DOG OH MY GOD HAHAHAAH HIS FACE I LOVE HIM SO BAD. And so true.... 😭😭😭 Like, why are companies just not hiring more and making 1-2 employees do the job meant for 4-5. I get it. Y'all refuse to pay for more employees But DAMN

"only office jobs get 5 days a week"

guess that one day is to make sure they don't lose ALL their desire to live

*throws my bag and suit onto the fucking couch with rage*

why are all jobs now 6-days a week? i just got back from 2 job interviews and it's all 6 days a week full shifts. WHATS GOING ON

my partner is sharing me 'joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat' ? idk what this is, but he won't stop laughing about it. so, why not. i got zine pieces and comm pieces to render.

this. is so damn cool! ❤️

nightmares and body pains still going but guess who did grocery shoppingggg

i fuckin lived. had to step away and just cry for 2 days and have an Ace Attorney-esque battle with the depressive episode. i barely won. *hopes my lawyer money up* fuck yeah

followed back!

Thats fuckin awesome. as always, Sassy is conquering and splitting oceans. (No it ain't sarcasm. Genuine.) that's damn cool. i hope ill learn that someday too. I want tooo. and thanks, Sassy. ❤️ That means a lot and I'll do my very, very best first before going down to that. Promise. Stay cool, Sass.

get the zine and comm bread loll, ill do my best. just feeling nausea. But I do want to get up despite being pissed (not at u btw 🫶 just. Life shit)
If I choose to be alive and even resting up, I gotta continue.

im just going to take more meds and sleep a bit more. i need to finish some art today, depressive episodes, take this nap, man. we gotta finish some art tody