@eggforbread.bsky.social
Egg and bread aficionado
I've got a date tonight with a wicketkeeper. She'll be a good catch.
#Lunchpun
I picked up a nice pair of boxers in Next, although what they were doing fighting in the store is anyone's guess.
#Lunchpun
Couldn't decide who was going to go first in the painting competition so I drew the short straw.
#Lunchpun
One of the Pythons introduced their son onto stage for his first stand up show last night.
Palin compère his son?
He wasn't a patch on his dad, no.
#LunchPun
- This takeaway is REALLY salty and spicy!
- Savoury?
- OK, this takeaway is VERY salty and spicy!
#LunchPun
One of the "I'm a celebrity" hosts has been bitten on the hand by a poisonous snake.
In Dec's finger?
No, in his thumb.
#Lunchpun
I was playing golf with Tom Cruise in the late 90s and there was a pretty spectacular view from one tee.
Scenic hole?
No, they were going through a bad patch at the time.
#Lunchpun
I've just conducted a poll on which way the next election is going to go.
Voting intent?
No, they usually do it in a little booth.
#Lunchpun
My mate was a terrible spy. He had some baked beans just before bedtime and blew his cover.
#Lunchpun
The noise at the tattoo parlour was ear piercing
#LunchPun
I'm meeting up with a girl down at the lagoon, but I didn't catch her name.
I think she said she's Rowena Boat.
#Lunchpun
I saw Sade yesterday in the ink studio, she was giving me, she was giving me the sweetest tattoo.
#Lunchpun
Rumours that Johnson & Johnson are opening a new factory nearby is the talc of the town.
#Lunchpun
‘I saw a waxwork of a medieval knight in full battle array.’
‘Tussauds?’
‘No, a lance and a battleaxe.’
#LunchPun
I've just paid good money for a pretty bad caricature, but I'm not going to get drawn into an argument.
#Lunchpun
I annoyed my wife by throwing some of her stuff out.
Sent her mental?
No she just hoards any old rubbish.
#LunchPun
Police are reopening an investigation into a 30-year-old murder in which a man died of hypothermia after his body was discovered in some luggage in a freezer.
A spokesman described it as a cold case cold case cold case.
#Lunchpun
I once flew over the Adriatic Sea with Karen Carpenter, and I asked her how she was feeling.
She said she was on the top of the world, looking down on Croatia.
#Lunchpun
My scaffolding business was closed down by the HSE because our ideas about safety were poles apart.
#Lunchpun
I recently met a girl at the Royal Navy air station in Cornwall.
Culdrose?
No, she's called Emily.
#Lunchpun
I met Ronnie O'Sullivan today, he told me he was getting hard of hearing.
We started talking about marathons and I asked him "Do you run Ron? Ron! Do you run Ron?
#Lunchpun
How come this new crockery was so cheap?
Seconds.
Oh no thanks, I haven't finished this yet.
#Lunchpun
A poisonous snake has just slithered quickly out of my sports bag.
Adder dash?
It's a Nike actually.
#Lunchpun
"Let's raise our glasses and drink to this Holiday Inn Express" bellowed the hotel toaster.
#Lunchpun
I don't think the new home I've built for my archery equipment is going to be big enough. It certainly doesn't bow dwell.
#Lunchpun
I've done a Powerpoint presentation on football tackles with loads of pages.
Slides.
Slides, blocks, allsorts.
#Lunchpun
I bought a cheap Audi SUV from the middle east.
Q8?
No, Dubai.
#Lunchpun
I was quite proud of my paint stripping but the wife's criticism has really taken the gloss off it.
#Lunchpun
Our Navy football team has been drawn to play a team from the east coast of Scotland.
Angus away?
No, we're going by coach.
#Lunchpun
My auntie ran house of ill repute but never had many customers. She always said that too many cocks spoil the brothel.
#LunchPun
