JohnnyDcm

Is the guy who clipped Trumps ear available, but with better aim?

I love to see kids running, jumping and screaming in the park.
Now I'm just wondering where I dropped that box of drawing pins.
#humour #humoursky

That what all the people in the shop say.

Bono opened a shop selling untitled confectionary. It's where the sweets have no name.
#humour #humoursky

"Pump up the jam"
"I can't, the motor's gone"
#humour #humoursky

I quit my addiction of eating Christmas sandwiches cold turkey.
#humour #humoursky

I just wish the alien invasion would start. Bring it.

Not knowing what the narrow part of a triangular wooden block is really is the thin end of the wedge.
#humour #humoursky

I wonder if Andrew has suddenly discovered he can sweat 🤔

I literally drempt last night that I was in a criminal gang and an Andy had been shot in the testicles and was due to be cut up. Hmm....

You don't need the antiperspirant 😂😂😂

I can never tell how long a Bob Dylan song is, because I always fall asleep half an hour in.
#humour #humoursky

If there's diamonds in the rough, golfers are missing a trick.
#humour #humoursky

They didn't join in? What even is this place?!?

I'll always remember what my mum and dad said to me:
"Who TF are you?"
#humour #humoursky

While simultaneously clamping their testicles in a vice on Earth. See how far the skin stretches.

I wore out all my chairs, which is how I got into pet sitting.
#humour #humoursky

Philip my famous clown friend has trusted me with buying and sending him some footwear.
That's some big shoes to Phil.
#humour #humoursky

Avoid limescale build up in your washing machine by using next doors.
#humour #humoursky

What do the all the average people do with 0.4 children?
#humour #humoursky

Why do ads for perfume or aftershave have absolutely nothing to do with the actual product?!?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
And mine have turned green.
#humour #humoursky

We know the speed of light, but I want to know the speed of heavy.
#humour #humoursky

My local garden center offers a "carry to car" service. Apparently it doesn't extend to customers.
#humour #humoursky

I've discovered the hard way that a beef wellington is not waterproof.
#humour #humoursky

@khakipillowslip.bsky.social Found you on here. Same geeza from Twitter.

I'm so happy, I'm going to bleed my radiators.

In the song "Hazard" by Richard Marx, he guest states:
"She went out walking all alone and never came home", then not a minute later, he states "I swear I left her by the river".
Sorry mate, you can't get your story straight. Guilty as hell.
#humour #humoursky

I bought pills to help my memory but can't remember where I put them.
#humour #humoursky

I Googled my symptoms and it said sprinkle with grated cheese and grill for 10 minutes.
#humour #humoursky