Simon Lock

Can't believe Paul Tweed's not a Private Eye fan.

Starts off "When you visit the US - just say yes" which I can only assume is advice for dealing with Border Control and/or ICE agents.

Impeccable timing that YouTube has now started pitching "Visit the USA" adverts at me.

I'm good thanks.

Not the quickest system ever invented....

Learner drivers may have to wait six months before taking test A minimum learning period of up to six months could be introduced for learner drivers

I mean the test system is so broken that it effectively is over 6 months before you can get a test anyway....

BBC News - Learner drivers may have to wait six months before taking test
www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

"It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on its head"

Lo and behold the company in question is based in Belize.

I feel like even by the incredibly low standard of offshore secrecy jurisdictions, Belize is just a complete and utter blackhole of transparency.

It was literally designed to appear non-automated - that's the sort of thing that DVSA will be up against.

By the time I took my final test (because by this point c. 2023 it was impossible to book anything within 6 months) there were actually web plug-ins that acted as users on the DVSA website, clicking/reloading specific driving centres (at randomised human-like intervals) until it found a test.

They essentially pretended to be you, spotted cancelled slots, reserved it, cancelled your test and then rebooked the new one for you. Which was all well and good until everyone starts using them at which point it just became a case of bot-on-bot fastest finger.

2. Bots being used to book tests. I'm unclear how what's being outlined is going to stop that, and how they won't simply evolve to get round any changes. The bots I used (because you basically had no choice but to use them) weren't booking instructor slots, nor were they reselling at higher prices.

From first reading, it appears to be conflating what I think are two separate issues.

1. People using instructor accounts to bulk book tests which they resold at massive profit. Banning this is obviously a good idea - why it was ever an option in the first place is beyond me.

New law to clamp down on driving test bots The Transport Secretary has announced new measures to tackle the continuing backlog of driving tests.

As someone who needed to take [redacted] number of tests before I passed, and so was fully aware of just how broken the booking system was in practice, any improvement is a good sign. That said, I'm curious as to how this will actually work in practice.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Nice work by TBIJ on Carter-Ruck, a scumbag law firm always willing to help organized crime try to shut down journalism, or in this case, criminals to perpetuate a scam. These firms are not acting in the public interest. They should be made to pay restitution to any victims harmed in this case.

Radiohead condemn ‘exploitative’ touts and resale sites ahead of tour Band urges fans to avoid secondary sites, where more than 1,000 potentially fraudulent tickets for their shows have been found

I've been considering whether to do this for months.

Now that Radiohead tickets are being offered for huge mark-ups on resale sites (as per our story today), I think the time has come.

We're going to play a game of Catch The Ticket Tout. 🧵

www.theguardian.com/music/2025/s...

‘I worked for Abramovich?’: footballers were owned by oligarch via… Former Chelsea owner locked young players across Europe into contentious third-party contracts

We also reported on the scale of Abramovich's involvement in third party ownership, many of whom were minors when they signed the deals:

www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2023...

Abramovich’s hidden football deals during Chelsea’s time at the top Offshore deals with key figures were not recorded in Chelsea’s accounts, despite potentially benefiting the club

This follows our investigation in 2023 which found an array of opaque offshore payments involving Abramovich-owned companies which would routed away from Chelsea:

www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2023...

The FA has brought 74 charges against Chelsea FC for a wide array of breaches between 2009 and 2022 - when a certain Roman Abramovich was in charge.

Breaches include transactions with intermediaries and third party investments.

TBF, Danegeld does sound like a very Truss policy. Levy huge sums to pay to another kingdom to try and stop people coming over, and then they come anyway.

📢 Mentoring: At @tbij.bsky.social we are launching a mentorship programme open to both staff and freelance journalists interested in gaining experience and guidance on reporting on the family courts. Full details here 👉 tinyurl.com/42xdkk5b

Reminded of that time I submitted an FOI to the FCA for a copy of a contract they entered with a PR firm.

They refused on "commercial sensitivity" grounds, I appealed saying they could redact some bits.

They agreed and sent me this....

Someone's really got a Bede in their bonnet about this.

Roman Abramovich bankrolled major Dutch club while Chelsea owner Leaked documents appear to show that the Russian oligarch funded acquisition of Vitesse Arnhem via network of offshore entities and funnelled millions to…

A cautionary tale for the world of football finance.

Vitesse's meteoric rise and crashing fall all stemmed from its 2010 takeover, when the club began receiving millions from Roman Abramovich through a complex network of offshore loans.

www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2023...

Geopolitics comes to Vitesse: how ‘Chelsea B’ were swallowed by Abramovich associates | Jacob Steinberg Fans of the Eredivisie club hoped takeovers would transform their fortunes, but instead they face an existential threat to their future

Just over a year since this excellent piece by @jacobsteinberg1.bsky.social and its only become truer.

Vitesse has now had its licence revoked (a decision upheld by the Dutch courts), it can no longer play in professional leagues and may cease to exist.

www.theguardian.com/football/art...

Britain’s fiercest libel firm can pursue anyone, anywhere The government is trying to rein in firms like Carter-Ruck. It’s not easy

The original story, a 5,000 word deep dive on the "most feared" libel firm in the UK is here: www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2023...

Anyway, if you like the work, become a member today – TBIJ relies on donations and even small amounts go a long way: www.thebureauinvestigates.com/support-us

Vile firm reaps what it sows.

Interesting update from SRA which comes off the back of Ed's mammoth piece on Carter Ruck back in 2023....

not a violin in the world small enough

NEW: Fake QR codes that trick people into handing over their card details have swept through public parking sites in the UK

John is one of the hundreds of people who’ve been targeted by one of these so-called “quishing” scams (footage from @itvnews.bsky.social)

Unless they're Legoland

Latest investigation from my esteemed colleague @edsiddons.bsky.social - give it a read...