j ‼️

its only been 1 day back at school after half term and i've already relapsed bruh 💀💀💀💀

thank you x

i'm literally doing everything in my power to make this winter better than the previous few years but somehow it just always gets worse i'm acc gonna crash out

#ireallywanttohurtmyselfbutknowifidothatillhavetowearmyschooljumperwhenigobackandihatemyschooljumperbecauseitssoitchymeaningionlyeverwearitafteriverelapsedbutireallyreallydontwanttowearitassoonasigobacktoschoolANDIHATELONGSLEEVEDSHIRTSTOOsoiwonthurtmyself 💔

hat.

help i'm acc going insane i wanna relapse so bad UGHHH

omg also!! i saw ember (this ancient yard cat w epilepsy) for the first time in like a year today!!! shes so cute

hello i have spent every day so far this week with horses which ofc has made me v happy 😛😛 heres a canter vid from thursday cos shennys js so cute (soz abt the quality, bsky compressed it which made it kinda blurry)

sick 😛

divas

i present to you the first time my dad took me out w/o my mum. and yes my wellies are on the wrong feet

also why do i have to do actual lessons at a school i don't even go to bruh ????

i did my makeup for this asw so it better be worth it ugh

hello i have zero social battery rn but i still have to go socialise at this school i don't even want to go to kill me

"yeah i can tell you're crashing out actually, because i don't understand what you're saying" - my history teacher (directed at me) 😓

why did my form tutor just like one of my insta comments on her priv acc 😭😭😭

i've not seen a single horse since the day before my bday bro i am acc going insane

i know i shouldn't but i'm honestly considering not doing it cos of this but complaining to my form tutor abt how much i'm struggling (cos shes already seen me have a panic attack and might get it) so i have sm1 to confirm that i'm not js lying abt stuff and i don't have to do any hw 💀

bro i hate hw cld i js tell everyone that i'm too depressed to do work and get out of it???? /j

yeah and you put it into better words than i could lol idk for some reason me labelling whats wrong js feels like i'm using big words for attention (if that makes sense) 😭

hey so why was this so validating 😓

oh also i haven't seen any horses since last saturday so i am kinda going insane bcs of that 😭😭 i honestly dk abt anything else tbh i fear i do not know myself as well as i shld

i mean lowk theres multiple reasons 💀 first of all is a bit stupid but the amount of work this year is acc ridiculous like why do i have so many tests already. also yes i think the people was the problem today and then idk everything going on w the horses atm doesn't help any of this 😭

yep 😭

also i am crashing out again bcs i hat yet another panic attack at sch today bruh why do i keep doing this to myself

guys ik this is serving attention seeking like mad but i acc wanna have a bad fall off a horse again js so i can have smth acc visibly wrong w me unlike whatevers going on rn 😓

I miss the days when Obama could just post his summer playlist instead of dire warnings.

also when we were going back towards the classroom and i started crashing out again jstodd was fr so good at grounding me again by asking questions abt who was in my cs class and stuff bless her i love her sm 😭😭

guys i don't even remember half of what happened cos i wasn't exactly thinking properly during it but i do remember telling jstodd that i was scared my cs teacher wld get angry at me and when jstodd said she wouldn't i was like idk 😭 then she was like "what is she scary?" and i fr said "sometimes" 😭

"hello i am so anxious i feel sick and i don't wanna go to school"

lets air how muggy this is but here was my situation on the way to school today 😓