＜£αЯR¥☆＞ - 90 Week Streak

Ich brauche Luft doch hab zum Atmen keine Zeit

Was smoken is leichter als zu flennen

T break

Traurig

Dear diary,
I am tired

Ohnmacht

Dear diary,
I am broken. I think i dont wanna sleep cuz I dont wanna dream

Dear diary,
I thank for music and singing

Dear diary,
I am not well.

People who atleast spoke to me of love sooner or later did not anymore. Initial expectations not met? Check
Possible potential not met? Check
I dont ask how could you because I couldnt believe it
I dont ask how could you ever because I woundnt understand it
I dont ask cause you eventually stopped

Dear diary,
every sympathy towards me must feels like a lie. Honest words do crush me. They come with expectations, wishful thinking, a role they see me well suited for. But all I ever knew was to disappoint so _please_ just tell me you hate me so we skip the "having expectations"-part

Dear diary,
after years of touch and intimacy I had two hugs in six months and both felt forced and were not worth it. I struggle to deal my cards well.

Dear diary,
I gotta clean

Dear diary I miss the illusion of being somewhat worthy of acknowledgment or interest, I feel like I was naive, an exchangeable toy, nothing to ever be considered again, not worth a shit, a steppingstone of many, a mistake like many, finally a loser like many. Yet there are also no winners left.

I never watched rick and morty really but I think I read a quote being similiar to

"I've seen what you cheer for, your boo's mean nothin"

and I am going, put quite mildly, very insane.

For all others, I hope it is me, I yearn for it to be me, let me be the problem, let me be the reason I cant be with people. As much hate and isolation and denial I reap towards myself the easier it is to not think of the society as inherebtly crooked. I need to be what you hate. 'Cause I cant care.

To overcome the solitude and the agony after someone accompanied your life for years, be it family, friends or partners just to be left alone again and again and again. To get a grasp on whether its merely them or me that makes coexisting so unbearable and draining and exhausting.

Dear diary,
for as long as I breath I shall journal. To let my frustrations out and take space which is not my head anymore. To hold onto joy for a tad longer and to find ways to develop new hope.

Same shit different platform but less expectations more diary

Crazy timeline, ich hab meine ruhe doch es ist alles was ich nicht will

Ich kann multiple köpfe rauchen 10min bevor ich in den bus steig und 8h+ dann arbeiten ohne dass wer was checkt ich bin angekommen

Crazy wie man sich nichts mehr zu sagen hat

Ich vermiss die Person wo ich dachte man bleibt Teil eines Lebens

Ich will liebennnnn

Es ist garnix passiert ich spüre nix

Ich bin in der Laune zu heulen ich verschreibe mir ne Lunte, 1000+ kills auf aim_botz und musik laut hören und gucken was passiert und ob die Ruhe den sturm zulässt

Wenn das nix wird dann grind ich loner mindset so sehr dass ich mir iwann grinsend und lachend die pistole an die Schläfe ansetzen vermag

Ich will dinge rekindlen und ich werd dran kaputt gehen

Ex auf bumble sehen macht mich knock

Yes my friend