redstar

Can't decide if "Despracito" or "Deprecito" is a funnier play on words...

Always disappointed at the lack of haunted things.

John Lennon was probably joking when he said he was a walrus

a lot to think about here

man fuck this neighborhood i JUST moved in 😭

local news headlines for low pop communities read like: "known cranklet geeked off a yipper employs the inverted intruder on a tenga, goons himself into a coma." then you find out they stoned him to death with geodes because they thought he was a warlock.

everyone suddenly becomes a lot more chill with the torment nexus once you point out that the alternative to it is installing linux

strive to like girls in a way that would make the internet mad at you

do you ever wonder if some of these dudes look at other people and go, "they could use an opp" and then just go for it?

"Do you ever think before you speak?"

Yes, actually! I retrieve the most optimal form of a statement I wish to convey, the very moment it's needed, but then I quickly discard it before it has a chance to manifest so I can happily remain a jibbering fucking idiot.

would you rather solve world hunger or double it and give it to the next person?

learning a new craft is fun, especially when you can do awesome voice work for the puppet too!

a big green garbage truck with a big piece of art on the back featuring the incredible hulk, whose forehead has been split in half to reveal a photo in the middle of the twin towers, plus a smaller hulk standing beside the twin towers reaching angrily for an airplane as it flies past.

a closeup of the artwork showing that in the bottom left corner of the image are the words “we will always remember you 9/11/01”

my friend saw an incredible garbage truck today

I'm here you fuckaas bitch

that and bay hated tj miller so much he had his character vaporized

Hey man I just talked to the vultures. They’re really looking forward to picking your bones. Yeah they’re just waiting

can't cover your shift bro i'm busy fighting my nemesis

a black and white photo of a wolf standing in the snow . ALT: a black and white photo of a wolf standing in the snow .

oh you've really done it now! say yuor prairs! mess with the bull and you get the shit! no mercy!

i love to see people tweet that they're leaving twitter for bluesky, and then after like a month they head back to twitter with a laundry list of complaints that all boil down to "bluesky isn't toxic enough"

me when im taking a drunken shit in the dark at 3am tearfully looking up through my leaky skylight like the rat from american tale

explaining the year 2025 to the first guy i see after arriving in 1985: ...yeah and in the future if you wanna smoke weed you can just push the button on this apparatus

1985 guy: wait back up what was that about the coup?

me: *coughing my lungs out for a solid 90sec after hitting a blinker* what?

"women are my favorite guy" is still deeply ingrained in my lexicon and will never leave

when something good happens to me it feels like when people give a dog McDonald’s before they put it down

what if it was all a dream?

double it and pass it to the next person

An educational diagram showing the locations of the cameras on a cybertruck

The Cybertruck is so cool! Here's a diagram of where the cameras are, for educational purposes. You should get one!

don't ask how many years that is in dog years

"in dog years i'm gay" is at least 3 or 4 years old