Matt

So important to have at least one twink in your marketing department.

Matt Flynn is so hot. Love you, daddy. 🟢🟡🟢🟡🟢

Wowzers she really is down BAD bad for that man

I love when I ask my boss a direct question and he answers a completely different one that he made up.

a close up of a dog 's face with a fire behind it ALT: a close up of a dog 's face with a fire behind it

Me after a work happy hour:

“Next shop, Sheridan.”

White men are so weak and fragile these days, amirite? Kevin, do you need a few minutes to regulate your emotions?!

Same one that lil AI bot made me when I was high last weekend.

Peanut butter.

Obviously?!? Betcha can’t eat just one!

Bullshit, gurl.

Walmart Luigi (BC) on my Red Line rn.

This prompted a teams message to my work wife so….

I don’t wanna be super sus or whatever but like, the subway, the El, is literally so COOL! You just like… walk somewhere and then you can get inside a glorified soup can and transport yourself somewhere miles away in MINUTES?! Just because?! We said so?!?!?

Ps: I had a happy hour today.

Kimmel is crushing this monologue—realizing he’ll have more eyes on his show than ever and he is laying into Trump and really just highlighting the very high stakes that we face right now. Incredible.

Spencer Cox the first Republican to place this in the broader context of political violence (albeit omitting that it’s the Right stoking the flames), but the first mention of MN and PA.

The vocal fry of finance bros really does it for me, I fear.

I fear pig slap & throw is runner up for favorite gif of all time.

nothing will ever beat him though:

This is why we need the podcast!!! So much beverage receptacle-related knowledge to be consumed 😏

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I am just a str—

DO STRAWS HAVE HOLES?

Are hot coffee cups constructed different than fountain soda cups? Science makes my brain hurt but I suppose that temperature plays a role?

Can someone with a podcast do an episode about drink containers? Like why are to-go soda cups usually paper but iced coffee is plastic? What’s with the nubs on the base of a plastic soda bottle? Why does hot coffee taste weird through a straw? Why does Diet Coke taste different in 12oz v 8oz cans?

FUCK THE CHICAGO AIR AND WATER SHOW

The 'b' in 'subtle' totally is.

Me rn vs. the bathroom at Aragon Ballroom rn

They’re the Capulets and the Montagues. You will NEVER guess what their stupid add kids did a few years ago. LMAO!

To: Restaurants and Gastropubs
From: allmatt

Re: Feedback w/r/t children’s menu

We do not want hand breaded breast meat chicken tenders, we want that Sysco bullshit! Get it together, GM Kevin!

~ xOxO allmatt o.0

I am begging news outlets to start linking to the docket filings (preferably a PDF from PACER) so I, a law person, can immediately deliver to my brain the legal theory of the case so when the group chat asks me tomorrow I do not need to make up a fictitious client number for Lexis.

Was he making a pass? 🤔

Those black eyed peas tasted alright to me.