11yo: yesterday I got a ps5. For my train simulation

Thé 16yo we paid to help with our wedding was probably happy to get his money at the end of the night, but he was definitely ecstatic to receive the box of cup noodles I handed him the next day

Truly blessed to have been visited by Ruby 🙏

Put the Pokémon sapphire/ruby music on Nintendo music you cowards. I want to jam to the mart music on repeat

Loving the pre wedding heatwave we’re getting. Makes it so easy to sleep

I also found out that the second night the singer made fun of what had happened so…..

Me dropping my iPhone SE and breaking the home button the day before Apple announced the iPhone 16e is a crazy amount of planned obsolescence. How did they do that???

- yes I started it
- yes there was space in front of him
- no I did not move for the whole gig, he genuinely did not know how far he had danced across in the mosh
- no my night was not ruined, but his was

He tried to slam me with his back and my brother caught him and told him to settle down so he sulked for the rest of the night and dobbed on us

Had a man text the antisocial hotline about me at a stadium gig because he forgot he was at a public concert where if you back into someone (me) repeatedly they will ask you to step forward and when you instead intentionally step back on them they (me) push you

Anstudents said “my mum has that’s shirt” to me so I have to delete my wardrobe now

a cartoon character says my name is doug dimmadome owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome ALT: a cartoon character says my name is doug dimmadome owner of the dimmsdale dimmadome

Also I told my sisters bf that he was allowed to wear a white suit if he dressed exactly like doug dimmadome

My one wish for my wedding was to have people wearing bolo ties and not I have at least 3 people intending to wear bolo ties 🥰

My landlord and his brother in law are installing a new oven for us. Please pray that they don’t blow us all up

Not that I could see but the shelves are double layered

My boss has shared her Mills & Boon collection in the staff WhatsApp. Shelves and shelves of tasteful smut

Overheard, 10yo: wait. Are we meant to go outside to fart? I’ve farted several times already

One day there will be a special mute button so that I can watch the tennis will all the ball strikes and crowd noises but none of the inane chatterings of Jim Courier

I hope so too. Milk them for all they’re worth

Someone got hit and apparently Bad Omens didn’t stop playing until after the paramedics arrived so they’re also on my shit list

A piece of roof falling and hitting someone at a gig the other night has done nothing to dissuade me of the fact that festival hall is a terrible venue

What is the point of spending all the time and money on amazing costumes, sets, and makeup, when the end product of shows like Rings of Power is so dark the viewer is staring at a black screen for most of it

Men who take their shirts off at the tennis should get lifetime bans

Context here is that I have unsubscribed to every single email and have deleted my account several times and yet still receive emails from them

I shouldn’t have to????? Fix your system ffs

Got into an argument with my uncle about pronouns and he actually said “a car hit they” @brocklesnitch.bsky.social

He found Haikyuu and has learnt how to play volleyball from it (came out with a monster overhead serve in his first ever game)

Had to apologise to some parents for introducing their son to manga

Had a guest at my party ask me if I knew who Janja Garnbret was and when I said yes still explained to me who Janja Garnbret was

Just found out that my Spotify wrapped is not playing like everyone else’s. I was wondering where they all got the extra stats from